THE MEAD TREE

Breakfast

2012-01-25T10:13:00.000-06:00

6 Clementines
1 Diet Coke
1 cup chai tea w/honey, nutmeg, oatmilk

{This Moment}

2012-01-21T09:39:00.001-06:00

{This Moment}

2011-11-26T09:47:00.001-06:00

{This Moment}

2011-11-18T17:29:00.001-06:00

Gah!

2011-11-17T09:56:00.001-06:00

It is so easy to get busy with my day and forget to come here. But here I am today. Lots going on this week. French Test. New recipes. Last day of Social Skills Class for this term. Preparing for the Holidays. Seriously one of the best articles on Christmas that I've read found here. Collard greens & turnips from the CSA. Long conversations about the what & where of happiness. Fingers crossed that I finally found the perfect dentist for Son. Talking with moms with awesome kiddos like mine. Studying. Anxiously waiting to hear from University of Houston admissions department. Crystal light wild strawberry goodness. Just the busy nothings of my beautiful life. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

{This Moment}

2011-11-11T11:11:00.001-06:00

Thankful Thursday

2011-11-10T16:26:00.001-06:00

Today I am grateful for:

Happy memories from my first year here in Texas fresh in my mind, courtesy of Whataburger for lunch.

$5 off coupon from Best Buy so I could finally get some new headphones. (mine died in June) They are purple, which makes me smile.

Gingersnaps.

Teachers and tools that have come into my life so that I can confront myself in those tough moments and bring my darkness into the light rather than self-destruct.

Our local library.

As I Was Saying

2011-11-09T12:28:00.001-06:00

before rudely being interrupted by illness. (haha) I do thrive on rhythm, routine, and ritual. It takes all three to make me a happy and productive girl.

My morning rhythm is something like this: wake up, make/pack Son's breakfast & lunch, make coffee, try to drink on cup while doing nothing else, wake up Son, take Son to school, Day Begins.

My morning routine looks something like this:
5:00a Wake up
5:15a Out of bed & dressed
5:40a Prepare Son's Breakfast/Lunch
6:00a Make & Drink Coffee
6:30a Wake up Son
6:45a Take Son To School
7:20a Return Home & Start the Day

The ritual part of the above morning rhythm is the making the coffee and is probably the most structured part of my day. Remember that ritual is: From the Chopra Center: "A ritual is a set of actions, performed mainly for its symbolic value. When you combine the symbolism of the ritual with some sort of meaning . . . the result is transformation." So the intent of my morning ritual is: to wake my body up with the smell of coffee and kick of caffeine, to take the time necessarily to nurture just myself (I'm the only coffee drinker so I'm truly doing something just for me), to be fully present in the moment as I prepare and drink the first cup.

My coffee ritual is a spin off of my tea ritual. When I got home from Washington I had a hard time making a full pot of coffee in the machine and only drinking about two cups before dumping the rest. (no matter how nice it was to use the timer to have the coffee ready when I woke) Luckily I had a old coffee press in my cupboard. I looked up the proper way to make the perfect cup of coffee using the press and viola! a new coffee ritual. I boil water, I measure grounds, I pick a mug, I get my cream and sugar, I count the minutes as it brews - all the right makings of ritual. Steps in a specific order to produce a desired result: a calm, nurtured, fully present and awake momma.

Some days I feel lonely after having adapted to sharing that morning cup with my siblings in Washington. Some days I wake up late and send Son to school and then make my cuppa. No matter the surrounding circumstances and changes to my rhythm or routine the ritual remains the same. It has been a life raft for me in trying to get my bearings and return to normal after our awesome summer away from home.

Tomorrow

2011-11-08T21:42:00.003-06:00

My morning will start out just like this tomorrow. But first... sleep.

Better Late Than Never

2011-11-07T18:52:00.002-06:00

So naturally the day after I write about routine our whole routine is thrown off by Son getting ill (bronchitis & ear infection - poor babe). I'm not getting down though. I just change what needs to be changed and try to keep the rest of our lives intact until he gets better again. After a long mostly sleepless night last night and a good part of the day at the doctor & pharmacy + grocery shopping, I'm wiped. So... tomorrow will be a better day for all. I wish I could say it would be a more routine day but I have a very early morning appointment & a sick boy so I'll have to rely on my rhythm & rituals to keep me grounded and in the best possible place to tend my little one.

Much needed rest!

Have a great evening.

Rhythm, Routine and Ritual Part I

2011-11-05T08:08:00.000-05:00

I'd like to take a few days to discuss this since it's been on my mind for the last several weeks. I hope you don't mind.

When I got home after four wonderful months in Washington I had a difficult time adjusting to being back. Just like the first time I came down here everything was just so different that it was hard to be present and content, like reverse culture shock. The difficulties of this time were compounded by the fact that I wasn't sleeping enough, drinking way too much caffeine, eating way too much sugar and processed food and had no set routine. This combination of doom left me feeling ungrounded, scattered, spacey, hopeless, irritable, whiny and listless. Not exactly me at my finest. Then after some gentle nudges from a couple of my sisters (who both knew exactly what to say, love my sisters!) I realized that I needed to do things that would make me feel grounded, secure, nurtured and fully present.

Rhythm is talked about a great deal in Waldorf circles. My definition is: an expected way of being from day to day with your family. Problem was that our summer vacation rhythm is very different than our school year rhythm and I was not acknowledging that or fostering a shift to a new rhythm for the school year.

If you have known me for any amount of time then you know that I thrive on routine. Isn't routine the same as rhythm? Maybe for some but not for me. To me, routine is a bit more dictatorial. Rhythm is a flowing feeling that moves me throughout the day, honoring the high energy and the low energy that occurs. Routine is rigid (the way I do it) and concrete. It is 24 hours dissected and written down on a paper. Even if I don't follow the set routine I feel more secure knowing that if at any time throughout my day I don't know what comes next all I have to do is look it up. I also feel better knowing that there is time for everything that I need to accomplish in a day. I need this to function properly.

From the Chopra Center: "A ritual is a set of actions, performed mainly for its symbolic value. When you combine the symbolism of the ritual with some sort of meaning . . . the result is transformation." I am a firm believer in the need for rituals in life. They bring meaning and connection. One of the rituals that has been with me the longest is making tea. Many years ago I started making tea in imitation of the English and then it transformed in to herbal tea for medicine or comfort. It is a 'set of actions' that after all these years of preforming it snaps me into the present moment, nurtures me and calms me.

So that was the first step I took in bringing my mind and heart fully present to the fact that I am back in Texas and it is a new season of life. I started making tea. Whenever I felt lost or hopeless I (sometime forced myself to) get up and make a cuppa. Usually a delicious cup of chai with some italian sweet cream coffee creamer, a touch of honey and freshly grated nutmeg. After about the second day of this I already felt clearer and more present. This was my gateway back to myself and my family life in Texas. Stay tuned for more on this.

{This Moment}

2011-11-04T07:50:00.000-05:00

As Previously Mentioned

2011-11-03T08:30:00.002-05:00

You don't have to look very far on the web to find a 30 day challenge for something. Well yesterday quite by accident I found 30 days of Giving Thanks. The concept is simple, thank someone for what the bring into your life everyday. Why didn't I think of that? A great way to blog everyday the month with a preassigned topic but alas, I think I'll stick to the plan and maybe just do a Thankful Thursday - seven things and people I'm thankful for this week. A moment or two to reflect and bring gratitude and abundance into my day & heart.

Thank You List:

From Son's perspective - Love this one!

At the farm.

Yellowstone.

1: I am so very thankful that my mom was able to come down to Texas with me & Son. We had a grand adventure on our way from Washington to Texas and the memories we made are very special to me. Once in Texas it was wonderful to finally be able to share my home and life with her. The small things are what matter, how else would I know what to do next with my cast iron pan or the best way to rearrange my living room. It sounds simple but I am truly grateful for this. Thank you mom for coming with us!!

2. Starbucks barista's. I am thankful to the people who make my coffee on those mornings when I'm too tired or too much of a hurry to do it myself. You can say what you want about huge corporations (i'll join you on a lot of it) but it was so comforting to drive through any Starbucks between here and Washington and know that I was going to get the same tasting cup of joe. Thank you Starbucks for making my life easier. (no I'm not sponsored by them, lol)

3. I am thankful for Son's social skills coach. She has set up a truly wonderful program and I learn so much from her on how to make Son successful in all situations.

4. I am so thankful for the new google mail layout. It looks so much better and I love using it.

5. Thank you Great Mother for the cooler weather. I swear I was giddy as a school girl when I stepped outside this morning and felt that cold blast of air press against me. I survived another year in Texas!!

6. Thank you Money Saving Mom for inspiring me to prepare homemade wholesome food for my family this week. Also thank you for reminding me about freezer cooking and introducing me to CrockPot 365. Pretty sure you just rocked my world (in a good way) and I once again feel excited about cooking for my family.

7. Everyday this week I have looked and sorted through more pictures from this summer. *happy sigh* This truly was the best summer ever!!! I don't have words to express how grateful I am to have gone home and spent time with my family. My eyes fill with tears of love and laughter and gratitude for my family, my home state, and my husband who let me go. I had the time of my life.

Exploring Tacoma

What are you thankful this week?

Halloween Recap

2011-11-02T08:42:00.000-05:00

As you know we LOVE Halloween around here. I think its because the cooler weather is starting to come in and that is a real cause for celebration. Like a, OMG WE CAN GO OUTSIDE WITHOUT DYING celebration. Mind you, in the 5 years prior to this one, son and I had spent the majority of our summer indoors trying not to go crazy and moping about being stuck inside. So it shouldn't surprise you that after spending just about everyday outdoors in the cool Northwest this past summer that this year our Halloween/change of seasons celebration was just a bit more subdued. I may have even grumbled something along the lines of "trick or treating in 80F... that's just colorful metaphor ridiculous." How quickly I forget. Yes, you read that correctly - we went trick or treating!! Son's first time and he had a blast.

Now that Son is 5 he is much more aware of everything! And he picks up on things like trick or treating from tv and kids in ways that he never did before. Hooray for improved cognition!! This year we did not Zoo Boo. Its the first time since Son was born that we didn't go but I'm actually ok with it. We also did not go to the pumpkin patch either. We did decorate the whole house while Grandma was here. We did go to a Fall Festival. Most importantly, we went Trick or Treating!! We joined some other families from Son's social skills class and had so much fun! It was nice to take a walk with our very excited kiddos and see them running, chasing and enjoying themselves. Charlie and I got to talk to other adults. Son got to play and get candy. Then we picked up dinner from our favorite place and came home. We tried to watch Scared Shrekless but it was to0 scary (yay improved cognition!! he used to watch it without blinking) so we watched Wild Kratts and called it a night. Before he fell asleep I heard "I had a fun day today." For our little family, for this year, it was perfect - just what we needed and ended with smiles all around.

Fall Festival

He could have bounced all day

First House = Success!

Funner with Daddy Bear.

Say Cheese!

Beautiful park nearby.

Taking a break at the lake

On our way home.

Happy November

2011-11-01T08:14:00.001-05:00

Wow! November this morning. I should be amazed or anxious about the impending Christmas season (53 sleeps, 16 hours, 45 minutes & 51 seconds as of publishing this) but really I'm excited. I can't wait to move into this season and oddly, even though I don't have a budget or plans, I feel prepared for it.

I'm ready for some cooler weather here. Trick or treating in 79F just doesn't do it for me. I'm ready to take my boys camping for the first time in years. I'm ready for the hustle and bustle. I'm excited for this New Year. (not Gregorian obviously) And really I'm excited to start writing again, I've missed this place.

30 Days
You don't have to look very far on the web to find 30 day challenges for just about everything from prayer circles to green smoothies. This is my 30 challenge to myself: to post something, anything, in this place for the month of November. You may get a lot of photo posts but the point is to rearrange my thoughts and time to honor the part of me that needs this blog as a creative outlet.

The Problem
See I think the reason I strayed is that I over-thought this place. I kept looking for a 'grand theme' to write about. I also pestered myself with thoughts about writing a blog for money and becoming one of those bloggers who go to conferences and give speeches and that is their j o b. But then what would my blog be about? I'm crunchy and a greener but not that crunchy and green. I am an urban mom and wife but I don't really identify with that lifestyle. I prefer this one. I do have a child with autism but I'm not a mommy warrior out to right the wrongs of our modern world and western medicine. Quite frankly, it's exhausting being a mom with a special needs kiddo so constantly writing/thinking about it isn't helpful. I'm a big momma, I could write about a weight loss journey but then that requires actually taking a journey and that requires commitment and.... well the list goes on and on. Then in true Gemini fashion and tired of my own indecision I just quit writing all together and moved on to other, less complicated things.

The Solution
The solution was actually quite simple to find. I just took a four month vacation to Washington and had the time of my life with Son. (see? nothing difficult about that!) While I was out there I took notes about what we were doing and where we were but I didn't actually write about our experiences. I know I had several moments that took my breath away. Moments that were so beautiful that all I could do was stand there with tears in my eyes and smile like a fool. Upon returning home and as I still! unpack a month later I wish that I had a more accurate record. I wish that I had taken the time and the discipline to sit down and write. Not about any one thing, not to write about one compartment of my life, not to make money but just to preserve and ultimately share those moments. Like this one:

That was a great moment, right?

So I'm back here to try and do just that. Write about my life, my boys, my experiences here in this place at this time. I hope you will join me.

{This Moment}

2011-10-28T12:38:00.000-05:00

{This Moment}

2011-10-14T09:49:00.002-05:00

{This Moment}

2011-10-07T10:45:00.002-05:00

{This Moment}

2011-09-30T11:06:00.001-05:00

{This Moment}

2011-05-13T11:40:00.000-05:00

{This Moment}

2011-04-15T10:35:00.002-05:00

In the City

2011-04-11T10:53:00.004-05:00

My favorite guys!

Little Mouse. Big City.

Spring has come and gone here. We are already on that lovely cusp between spring and summer. The flowers are up, it no longer cools off at night, the humidity is worse than the heat. All signs that summer is right here on my door step. Yet before I start making plans on how to stay in the pool or the air conditioning every second of the day, I wanted to get outside and hold on to that outdoor lifestyle just a little longer.

We went to the Houston Children's Festival on Saturday. We were running a bit behind after son's dance/music rehearsal (recital this Saturday!) but I was determined to see the Kratt Brothers. So I pretty much ran from the parking garage, pushed through crowds of people and then hefted son onto my shoulders just in time to see them take the stage. Two things: one - it was at least 84F and very humid, two - son had already been at dance class for 3 hours plus his sensory processing disorder. It was very loud, and overwhelming and he lasted about 3 minutes before the he started to meltdown. I reluctantly put him on the ground and we walked away from the stage. Charlie and I whispered about the next best course of action. We tried to regroup but we ended up leaving. We took the long way around the festival, away from the crowds (50,000+ people) and back to the parking garage.

A couple of years ago it would have ended differently. I would have argued with Charlie about staying. (we had just handed over $30 to get in) I would have been angry and disappointed and sad that son had a hard time in that environment when the other kids were laughing and playing and soaking it in. But I've grown up a lot in the last two years. I put a smile on my face and took Son's sweaty chubby hand in mine and we all calmly walked away less than 15 minutes after arriving.

Then something awesome happened. We realized that we were walking on the streets of downtown Houston, something we have never done. I looked up and the height of the buildings took my breath away. I stopped Son and told him to look up "bootyful buildings mom!" he gasped. We found a 'treasure map' at the bus stop and Son plotted our course. We stopped and Son took pictures of what he found interesting. We threw a penny and made a wish in the fountain. It was wonderful. Not what I planned. Not what I thought. But so much better.

To the Zoo, he says.

Let's Check it Out.

Son took this picture of the flag.

and because I know you want to see them:

Chris & Martin Kratt, live and in person right in front of us.

Have an excellent week!

{This Moment}

2011-04-08T17:44:00.002-05:00

{This Moment}

2011-03-25T10:41:00.000-05:00

This Moment

2011-03-18T08:53:00.000-05:00

We Like Pina Coladas

2011-03-15T17:17:00.000-05:00

and getting caught in the rain.

Yesterday we woke to a huge thunderstorm. I called son out onto the porch to enjoy watching it rain & he said "let me get my umbrella." Yes, the umbrella that he has carried around with him for at least the past year without getting any use. As a former champion puddle splash-er and rain junkie, (both good traits to have while living off the coast of Washington) I realized that it was time to break in that umbrella. It is spring break but our plans were hijacked by adding two new puppies to our family so we had nowhere to go and nothing to do. So we set out, got thoroughly soaked and loved every minute of it. I tried not to obsess about acid rain or all the pathogens being washed off the grass, buildings and concrete and right over our feet - I promise.

Let's go!

The thunder was really loud but he wasn't scared.


Running back and forth under the gutter for maximum drenching.

Today our fun adventure was to the pet store for a kennel and a peek at amazing array of rodents, fish and reptiles. Then to Target for the weekly groceries. It was a success. Successful days like these last two make me proud to be a mom to my son. When we both slow down enough to just B R E A T H E and enjoy each others company. It's not the way I thought we would spend our week off together but so much better than I could have planned.

{This Moment}

2011-03-11T06:58:00.000-06:00

Introducing

2011-03-10T09:43:00.000-06:00

The newest members of the family. I think we may have gone crazy!

Work in Progress

2011-03-09T10:27:00.001-06:00

WARNING: There will be gratuitous pictures at the end of this post. :)

Ah yes, I remember work-in-progress Wednesdays. Most of the time it feels like my whole life is a work in progress. Sometimes messy. Sometimes beautiful. Always in progress. This week I have something pretty cool to share, remember when I finally got Son's room unpacked? Well in some how in February between bouts of the flu and trips to the emergency room I managed not only to shop for but also to redecorate Son's room. There are still a few things that need to be finished: curtains, hang up the pictures, find a suitable pirate map to put up above his table. (I had a map of Middle Earth that I was going to use but it has gone MIA.) Over all I'm pleased with the way his room turned out even if we went a bit over budget and it looks a little like Ikea threw up in there. I love that it feels like home rather than camping. He keeps putting things on the table for "when his friends come over" - *sigh* friends and playdates that is a work in progress for another day.

Without further ado:

From the Entry Way

Where story time happens.


A big boy bed!! We've had no problems with transitioning from a crib - he was ready


Perfect.


Some of his treasures: picture of him & cousins, valentines day card, zoo ticket & a new lamp.

I love this table! Room to actually play on it.


The closet.


Perfect little dresser for him. Closet door on left, entry door on right.

He loves his room. It makes me so happy to have one room in the house completely furnished and so close to completion. Now to go in search of Middle Earth, the map that is.

Zoo Time

2011-03-08T10:32:00.000-06:00

The zoo is magical for us. Ellis is so in love with the animals. Just about every morning he asks us to take him to "zoo time". I'm thinking its time to buy a membership and make it a regular event. He has such a light in his eyes when he is there and we always go on a search for the elephants. Spring break is next week and I'm already getting emails from the zoo warning about the traffic and congestion! Hmm... maybe a nearby wildlife safari is a better choice? I hear there is a good one down by San Antonio.

Plans are slowly coming together for our week of freedom. How about you? Anything on the books for spring break?

Food Resolution

2011-03-07T10:48:00.000-06:00

Some of my recent food experiences.

I know its March!! But those early resolutions are still in full swing here. 2011 is the year that I change my relationship with food. Once I realized that I had a real live relationship going on with food (all food) just like it was a living being then I was able to evaluate that relationship. The thing is.... I have an abusive relationship with food. I abuse it and it abuses me right back. Its horrible and sometimes it controls my life. The proof is in the state of my health. I didn't get this unhealthy by eating healthy, by being mindful of where my food comes from and how it is prepared, by respecting my food and all the hands that made it from seed to plate, or by respecting myself enough to stop the abusive cycle.

Sheesh. I didn't realize that it would be this hard to write about but I'm realizing that my relationship with food is so very intimate. Something that I try to keep private and take lightly in public or mixed company. Like many abusive relationships the abuse centered around control and it just escalates and escalates until you get to where I'm at - in a real live down and dirty fight for my life. Only I can't just pack my bags and leave. I need food to survive. So I've chosen to try and heal my abusive relationship with food. Unlike trying to make an abusive person change I can truly change the food that I allow into my life. I can change it from destructive and harmful (fried chicken) to loving and wholesome (homemade chicken noodle soup).

The first step in changing this cycle is to admit: I am addicted to food. I am addicted to my abusive relationship with food. Damn that's hard. Its taken three years since the very first time a doctor mentioned that I might be addicted to food (how dare he!). To slowly studying and learning more to finally being able to say that out loud and ask for help. There it is. Now comes the even harder part. The healing. To cultivate a loving healthy relationship when I don't even know what that really looks like. For me right now its not counting calories or getting on a really strict diet because that just fuels that old busted method of trying to control everything. My first step is just to cook the food myself. To pour my love into the process of preparing food for me and my family. Then to eat and savor every bite. SLOWLY. And last, the hardest, stop when I feel full.

I've been working on those steps very timidly for the last three months. I've been afraid to really try because what if I try and I fail again? Now I'm ready. I'm ready to heal. I hope to share part of the journey here.

If this article has touched you please contact me because I'd love to talk more about it.
For more information about food addiction please go here: http://www.foodaddicts.org/

{This Moment}

2011-02-11T08:13:00.001-06:00

{This Moment}

2011-02-04T08:37:00.000-06:00

The Value of $200

2011-02-01T17:49:00.002-06:00

Money is one of most obvious things for me to blog about for Our 2011 Thoughts and Goals. Typically each year begins with me sitting down and "running the numbers." The numbers that I'm interested in are: where did we spend our money in the last year, how much debt do we have, what are our monthly expenditures vs. income. It sounds intense but I love the numbers. I've been using Quicken to keep track of our bills and expenses for several years now. So really all I have to do is run some reports in Quicken, write it all down (it has more meaning for me when it's written in my handwriting) and then evaluate. It's the evaluating that takes some work.

Charlie and I will pass the number ridden papers back and forth for a day or two before we actually sit down and talk about it. I think we need those couple days to absorb that intel, think about what we want to accomplish this year (debt busting, vacations, etc.) and formulate preliminary action steps before we try to talk to each other about it. This year we came to the table with the same intention: decrease our monthly bills so that we can save. We don't know what we're saving for yet. We've discussed vacations, house buying, paying off cars but we really don't know what we want yet. We just know that we need to save more so our options are maximized.

We looked at this list (that looked suspiciously like last year's) and knew that we had to get creative in order to actually create positive change. In essence we did some switching of cell phone plans and downsizing the gym and will be saving a about $265/mo. I am SO excited. When we sat down we weren't even thinking about changing our cell phones or gym. It was a spark of inspiration that adds up to $3180 saved in 2011. I'd say we're off to a good start.

We're still looking at more money saving options. I'm currently focusing on cooking really good food at home. We spent an ~~obscene~~ unhealthy amount of money eating out last year. Almost twice as much as in 2009! Eek!!! The numbers don't lie so the time has come to change.

More on our new found homemade food love coming soon... Happy February!

{This Moment}

2011-01-28T09:58:00.000-06:00

New Years

2011-01-24T11:02:00.000-06:00

In the midst of accounting for 2010.

I usually hole up the week of New Years with my boys and take a very detailed inventory of the last year. We discuss what worked, what didn't, what goals were met, which ones fell by the wayside and most importantly what lessons can be harnessed to drive more success in the future. Then Charlie and I carefully plan the next year's mass of goals, ambitions, and dreams. We leave no rock unturned: finances, son, hobbies, career, spiritual, family, friends and the list goes on.

This year however, we arrived home on New Year's Eve after a a four day marathon of driving, after THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER with my family in Washington, after a very stressful fall season. (for which I was absent from this space. trust me, it was hellish.) We hauled our luggage in from the Jeep, placed it by the front door, ordered enough Boston Market to feed a small nation and proceeded to veg for the next several days. Its true that we did have occasional chats on the drive home from Washington about what we wanted for 2011. We did occasionally rouse ourselves from our travel weary stupor to ask each other about our current state of finance or health and what we were going to do for the New Year we were now a part of. But it wasn't until the second week before I opened my laptop and began the careful examination of 2010.

Only this year it wasn't that careful. Perhaps because 2010 was already over when we started or perhaps because we just didn't want to deal with it anymore than absolutely necessary, I'm not sure. But I do know that we have now officially sat down and discussed our health, wealth and well being for the new year. I have to say that I'm excited. The weariness of 2010 has washed away and glamour of 2011 is in full effect. I see with fresh eyes our beautiful life and am filled with hope and possibility. In the coming days I will endeavor to unfold some of our plans, hopes, thoughts and dreams for this New Year. A little late, a little different but surely full of goodness.

{This Moment}

2011-01-21T09:09:00.000-06:00

Inspired by Soulemama: {this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

al fresco

2010-09-20T22:10:00.000-05:00

Son and I enjoyed our first meal outdoors since the summer heat came on. Only now do I believe that fall is really on its way. That, and a single orange leaf fell from the sky and drifted over my windshield as I was driving to pick up the boy from school - literal signs don't happen very often so I'll take it. Last Thursday I overheard that there was a 'chill' in the air that morning. I checked my thermometer and 81F was so not the chill I was hoping for but a high of 83F today was lovely. Ok ok enough about the weather and now for the pictures.

Picnic style baked potatoes.


Sun was starting to go down. picture by Ellis

Ready for some star gazing.


or adventure!

I think it was the perfect way to start the week of Equinox. Setting the tone for slowing down and enjoying the moment. Fall is knocking. Winter is not far behind. Time to get outside and enjoy the cooler weather and all that Fall has to offer.

I hope that your week is off an excellent start as well.

Progress

2010-09-17T16:15:00.003-05:00

Last night Ellis woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep on his own. So after the compulsory drink of water I sat on the floor next to his crib, held his hand and waited for him to drift off. It really didn't take that long but not before I noticed the sad state of his room and wondered how that might be affecting the quality of his sleep. There was nothing wrong with his room really, except that everything was right where the movers placed it three weeks ago. Lots of boxes, a few random toys that had been unpacked and a huge unsettled feeling. This morning I set about remedying that. (Once again finding a good reason to neglect my nutrition class.) Most of the boxes were unpacked or shifted to the master bedroom for further review. (3 more boxes of office stuff to find a place for! really?) I found the shower curtain for Ellis's bathroom and many other goodies like my stack of Rachel Ray magazines but most importantly I uncovered his room. Simple. Understated. Fun. In desperate need of wall art and a rug. I'm thinking these, I've had my eye on them for about 2 years now. Oh yes and a big boy bed. I'm thinking one of those is definitely in the works. *wink*

A quick tour:

From the door

Moving to the right

Wall the door is on

"Its beautiful Mom!"

Hope you have a great weekend!!

A Quick Peek

2010-09-14T12:36:00.001-05:00

I keep thinking that if I can just make it through September then I will magically have time to study, manage my home, work with Son & blog till my heart is content. Given the current condition of our house (boxes, boxes & more boxes) I think that all my October dreams of abundant time & order may not come true. In the mean while I'll steal a bit of time from my lunch & studies to post a picture of one of my favorite parts of our new home. I love it so much that aside from the kitchen it is the only place that gets regular attention from me. (yes, that means our bathrooms are still hobbling along with boxes and piles of stuff. *ahem*)

This is a $15 bookcase from Target and it sort of rocks my world. Not only does it come in handy holding all matter of media (that's a phone/ipod charger & key holder on the top) but today when I got home from the library I knew just where to put my treasures. Its such a simple little thing and yet to me it is a sure sign that this is going to be a home for us rather than just a place to cook, sleep and keep our stuff. It looks homey doesn't it? So normal. So functional. So... wonderful.

More to come as I uncover our home from the boxes and my mind from the whirlwind of moving, ear infection (mine, not son) and a dizzying amount of school work.

One of Those Days

2010-08-09T15:20:00.002-05:00

Yep, I'm having one of those days. A day where nothing bad has happened, nothing has changed for the worst but you still end up on the phone crying to your special someone or curled up in bed bawling your heart out. Or in my case both. My mom would call it "feeling puny." So I've given myself permission to take the day off. How to you take the day off when you have a 24/7 job? Well you don't, not really. Your work still needs to be done, the short person around here still needs food and to be reminded to go potty, and of course if the laundry doesn't get done.. well you know how that story goes.

The key is to do the least amount possible (LAP) for your work stuff while doing the most amount possible to nurture yourself. To this end I have reheated leftovers for lunch, turned the a/c down to arctic (hard to snuggle the laptop wearing jammies in bed when its too hot), turned on a movie for Son, closed all the shades and devoted the next two hours to whatever I want to do. Ahhh... I feel better already. (the loving text messages from Charlie help, too) I'm pretty sure that at this rate I'll be ready to fold the laundry and make an awesome dinner with a smile in no time.

Cheer Me Up List:

1. Even though my phone says its 99F and I have no desire to be out in the heat I love the smell of pine needles & sap coming from the back yard. It reminds me of childhood, playing outside and camping. Its hot and woodsy and smells so good.

2. This love letter from Nie to her husband. It makes me smile, I love reminiscing about our relationship story even though we are still adding memories. I hope we never stop.

3. Day dreaming about sending Charlie on a 3 or 4 day cruise by himself. I can picture him sitting out on the deck, enjoying a cold beer and listening to his ipod. Just giving him a chance to recharge his batteries.

4. Sticking my feet into the warm pile of clean clothes at the end of the bed.

5. Organic watermelon flavored sucker. Its sweet and tart and perfect.

6. Planning Christmas. About to get out the budget and take a look. It may sound like a weird way to nourish myself but seeing numbers on paper makes me feel more in control = a happier me.

7. I keep poking my head in the living room and staring at Son's feet. When did they get so big?

8. A scrap of paper with a mom from Son's social skill group number/email folded in my wallet. I can't wait to use it.

9. A nice vegan meal planned for dinner. (Vegetarian for Charlie, gotta have his sour cream) The more I eat this way the more I crave this food.

10. Speaking of food. 3lbs lost last week even though I was VERY naughty over the weekend and have several times today mourned the lack of oreos & milk in my fridge.

11. A feeling that great and beautiful forces are conspiring to bring me closer to myself.

12. This sweet little platypus I found for a special boy while searching Etsy for Christmas inspiration. Well pretty much anything found on Etsy. Love that site!

13. This picture Son took of his knee and his perfect little toes. I love seeing the world through his eyes.

Hope your week is off to a great start & that you are finding time to nourish yourself regardless of those days.

Just Peachy

2010-08-06T12:04:00.001-05:00

***Sorry for the mini-lapse, still finding my blogging groove.***

I love organic produce and since its late summer it is in abundance. A couple days ago at the supermarket I found organic peaches, cantaloupe and kiwis!! Its a nice break from the usual apple and banana routine. The problem is that it goes bad super fast. I thought I had gone to heaven when I found organic grapes in July and have bought them several times since but they seem to get furry (mold) before I even get them home from the store & wash them. This morning I woke up and my peaches had gone from perfectly ripe and soft to having brown mushy spots. There was no way I was going to let these beauties go to waste so I quick chopped them up and turned them into a cashew cream smoothie! So yummy & a perfectly summery second breakfast.

Because peaches MUST have cream I first added 4 ice cubes, a handful of raw organic cashews and just enough filtered water to blend into milkshake consistency. Then I added my lovely peaches (it was so hard not to just eat them) and blend away.

Son's is on the right, just a peach cream smoothie. Mine is on the left with a handful of spinach thrown in after I poured Son's. The pictures don't do the drinks justice (still using my camera phone) they were so bright in both color and taste.

Just two more weeks until school starts. I'm determined to make the most of them. Something along the lines of summer produce ~~hording~~ canning/freezing, swim lessons, trips to the park & lots of sunshine.

Happy Weekend!

* Truthful Tuesday *

2010-08-03T21:02:00.002-05:00

Inspired by http://eileensplace.blogspot.com/

This week I must confess that I am a procrastinator. A big one. People comment to me about how organized I am. I've been called ~~anal retentive~~ process oriented and ~~rigid~~ determined. The truth is that my obsessive organizing, list making, stick to & thrive on routine-ness are all ways that I keep myself from procrastinating. I believe the correct term is 'adaptive behaviors' or in other words if I didn't keep myself in check I would put off doing just about everything. If its something I don't want to do, oh dear, I can talk myself in and out of it several ~~million~~ times before I do it at the last possible moment. However, if it's on the calendar then in my mind it MUST be done and it gets done in good time. This post is a prime example. Its 9pm on Tuesday. I should be enjoying this rare time to myself (Charlie's car won't start and his mom going to pick him up, Son is asleep) reading a book, or watching Sense & Sensibility, picking up toys, watching scary shark shows on discovery or *gasp* taking a shower but writing this post is on the list. I've put it off all day even though I knew what I wanted to write. If I didn't sit down this instant and write it then I would wait until next week or the next. See, my procrastination beast is insatiable and must be tamed with lists and calendars and schedules. In the hopes of transparency & truth in blogging, now you know. I'm not an awesomely organized super routine orientated person. I'm really a procrastination beast tamer and its a full time job. ;)

Ready or Not Here School Comes

2010-08-02T14:07:00.004-05:00

This week is full of preparation, we're getting ready for school to start. Some how we leaped from being in the middle of summer to only having 3 weeks before the new school year! End of summer/start of school calls for a great deal of organization, thinking and planning. You know, all the paperwork that needs to be found, calls to be made and shopping to be done. How to keep track of it all? A list of course. I love lists! I make several every week, encompassing all aspects of my life. This Monday list is dedicated to all things back to school.

List Key:
Son

Charlie

Back-to-School Prep List:

1. ~~Research what paper work I need to enroll Son in new district~~

2. Find proof of residency

3. Make copies of Son's IEP from old school district, doctor's instructions to school, immunization waiver

4. Write a medication & how/when to administer list for the school nurse

5. Call old school and withdraw Son

6. Register Son at new 'home' school

a. Try not to cry because you really loved Son's old school

7. Call new district office to find where they will place him since his 'home' school doesn't offer special education

8. Call diagnostician at his new assigned school to schedule an appointment, get assurances that they will follow his current IEP, schedule a review ARD (remember to include lunch aide, therapy schedule, and behavior plan in new ARD)

9. Find school supply list

~~10. Order new shoes~~

11. Sort Son's clothing, remove what doesn't fit

12. Research this years fall fashion for 4yo boys

13. Revisit the budget

14. Buy school clothes

15. Buy school supplies

16. Make well child appointment

17. Make appointment with DAN doctor to adjust biomedical

18. Make 18mo check up with Developmental Neurologist

a. Review budget again

19. Try not to have a nervous meltdown

20. Call new school district and confirm Son's schedule.

21. Time dry runs to and from school in prep for first day

22. Review my school schedule and make sure its compatible with Son's

a. Adjust if necessary

23. Get book list for Fall classes

a. Try not to panic at the price

24. Alter Charlie's lunch schedule on therapy day so he can pick up Son from school and take him to therapy

25. Research 4 year biology degrees from local Universities just in case I decide to switch to pre-med.
26. Adjust wake up/bedtime routine to suit school hours.
27. Test new breakfast/lunch ideas

I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Now to print off this list and get cracking. After all school starts in just 21 days!!

The Beach

2010-08-01T09:58:00.000-05:00

Last weekend we had a blast at the beach. It was an impromptu trip down to Galveston, with everything riding on the the beach bag that I had prepared several weeks before and left in the car. It was vastly successful, just one or two of those of those moments - you know the ones when you suspect you may have woke up that morning a bit on the crazy side.

The sun was blazing but under the cool shade of the umbrella we didn't notice. We spent the first hour playing sand, oh that boy loves the sand. The next 2 hours were spent playing in the Gulf of Mexico while Charlie dozed in the shade. I rolled up my pants (Who wears black pants & a black t-shirt to the beach, really?) and was determined to stay dry. Yeah, that lasted about 3 minutes. At the end of 2 hours I was completely exhausted. I blame the sun, it has nothing to do with my age or the fact I haven't ~~rolled around~~ played in the ocean since 2005! It was a long cold car ride home because I didn't have a change of clothes and am less inclined than ever to strip down on the beach and wrap myself in a towel or sarong for the 2 hour drive home. It was so wonderful to share our love of the beach with Son. (Bet you didn't know that Charlie was a beach bum once upon a time too!) We all slept so well that night. The peaceful sleep of a day well done!

All the pictures were taken on Charlie's phone because my phone was dead and the camera was sitting at home on desk. Did I mention that it was an impromptu trip?

Now that I've been reminded how much fun the beach is I can't wait for us to go back!!

Work In Progress

2010-07-28T16:51:00.000-05:00

I've decided try posting a 'Work in Progress Wednesday.' I'm not sure where it originated so I give credit to the many inspiring bloggers out there who take part in this Wednesday tradition. The thing is (there is always something, right?) the work in progress posts that I have read are all craft/homemade in subject. It may be a new sweater being knitted, a new quilt being put together or some feltwork taking shape. In true Gemini fashion I love the idea of knitting, quilting and felting but alas don't have any craft or handwork that I do on a regular basis. However, I have many other works in progress. In fact, I am my greatest work in progress.

I am always trying to be the best possible version of me and strive to live up to my very high expectations. As a result, I am constantly creating tasks and challenges for myself to help make that happen. Also in true Gemini fashion, there are so many parts of me to work on. There's the mommy me who is in constant need of fortifying. There is the Home Manager me, who tries very hard to be a good steward of all things for my family from our resources to family outings to washing dishes to our 5 year plan (HA!!) There is the wife me, she is always learning something new about herself. There is the daughter, the sister, the friend me. The writer me. The spiritual me. The student me. Oh yeah, and there is just me. So for WIP Wednesday I'll be sharing what I'm working on for me. Of course should I happen to do something crafty you'll be the first to know. And maybe someday when my muse and I get on the same page I'll share some non-bloggy writing too!?!

This week I'd like to share my green smoothie work in progress. This green smoothie thing touches not only my desire to eat healthier and include more fruit and veg in my diet but also my wish to save our family money and cut down on our food waste. I've been drinking Odwalla Superfood for as long as I've been legal. I think that at the time I was an 'emerging adult' and drinking a dark green sluge-like superfood made me feel more grown up. I love this stuff. I do not however love the price or the calories (when you can drink glass after glass of it and still want more they add up.) I've read about people making their own green smoothies for over a year but have just recently gotten brave enough to try them myself. Last week I started my own green smoothie making endeavors. The first day I used too little spinach and it tasted mostly like strawberry and banana but with a beautiful bright green flavor. The second time I used too much spinach and ended up pinching my nose and chugging a purplish brownish mess. Today however it was just right. I had a spinach and blueberry smoothie that tasted like blueberries with a bit of fresh grass aftertaste and was a beautiful dark purple color. It was lovely. I had hoped to drink one everyday and that hasn't happened but I averaged every couple of days instead. The good news is that for the first time ever I bought a pound of spinach (doesn't sound like much but its a huge container) and none of it went to waste! That's right, I'm out of spinach and its still three days till I grocery shop again. WooHoo! Ok, half a thing of strawberries went green & fuzzy on me. Like I said its a work in progress. Added bonus - Son drank the banana spinach smoothie and loved it. I guess all those years of watching mom drink green stuff helped prepare my anti-veg child! I've also found that if I make a super healthy breakfast than it trickles down and the rest of my day I'm much more conscientious of what goes into this body. I can't wait to make more.

Good Stuff

* Truthful Tuesday *

2010-07-27T10:09:00.002-05:00

This post is inspired by Little Acorn Learning Blog. Each week she posts a truth about her life behind the blog in an effort to keep it real. (my interpretation) I love this idea. I love the blogs that inspire but there are always those ones that just seem too perfect, that I can't help but measure myself against and come up short. I love reading SouleMama, she ticks so many boxes on my 'ideal' chart and I am eternally grateful for the post she wrote about a difficult day which ended in popcorn for dinner. It was such a relief to know that I wasn't the only one trying my hardest and still serving popcorn or cold cereal as a meal on occasion.

So without further ado here is this weeks truth behind the beautiful words and tastefully cropped pictures: I still have dishes in my sink from the weekend. Not like a Sunday dinner pot that needed to soak and I got up first thing this morning and washed. Oh no, I'm talking about plates and bowls from Friday night. I'm talking dishes that are 3 short days from being a week old. Ugh! Saturdays are crazy around here even when we don't have anything planned so I don't even try to clean on them anymore. I usually do the big cleaning Sunday in preparation for our week but last Sunday I got caught up in the laundry (time to wash the bedding) and never made it to the dishes. Then yesterday we had social skills group, followed by speech therapy, followed by the afternoon/evening from hell and finished up with pumpkin waffles for dinner. Needless to say the dishes are still there, calling my name. Maybe this afternoon after I get back from running errands. For those of you who know my mother, yes the cleaning fruit has fallen far from the tree. :)

Get Together

2010-07-26T23:20:00.008-05:00

I had several different ideas regarding what I would write about on my first day back in this space. I thought about how renewed I felt after the long *ahem* unscheduled break. I thought about how I feel like I have a clearer vision of what I want this blog to be about and what I want to share here. I thought about right away reinstating my Monday list love. So many good things to share now that I've got my blogging mojo back but as I waited for my son to drift off to sleep all I could think about was trying to capture that moment in words. It was a horrible no good day, the worst we've had in a long time. He spent most of the evening in melt down mode and we had finally gotten him calmed down and in a good enough mind space (who wants to fall asleep feeling completely miserable?) to fall asleep. He drifted off as I read about the bubble gum pirates (thanks for the book Mom & Dad, we love Mercer Mayer!) but woke up as soon as I finished. He covered his ears as I started to recite our bedtime poem and I bit back tears when he remembered to blow me a kiss after I finished. The thing about our current ~~oh so humble living arrangement~~ ultra simplified lifestyle is that there is just enough room in our one bedroom for Son's crib and our king bed. His little head lays right next to mine and when he wakes in the night I just pass my hand through the bars take his warm chubby fingers in mine and squeeze. Tonight I lay there watching his eyes flutter, listening to his breaths slow and deepen and I felt the earth pause in her rotation. Somewhere in the background of my mind I could clearly hear The Youngbloods:

If you hear the song I sing,
You must understand
You hold the key to love and fear
All in your trembling hand
Just one key unlocks them both
It's there at your command

Charlie handed me his cell phone. Sometimes we pass his cell phone back and forth typing what we are thinking, anxious to share but not wanting to disturb the boy on his journey to dreamland. Its our version of passing notes in class. I think we would lay right next to each other and send text messages if I could ever remember to bring my phone to the bedtime routine. His first note tonight went something like "what the hell was that about?" or "what just happened" or maybe "we need to figure out what went wrong today so that we can keep it from happening again. ever." I'm pretty sure my reply was something less than skillful with my words. I may or may not have tried to turn in my resignation as mother.

An hour with my laptop and a couple pieces of deep dark chocolate later I feel differently. That's the beauty of what I want to share with you in this space, my ever changing journey. Which just so happens to also include my family, the horribly rotten no good days that we have as well as those moments that are so beautiful that your heart squeezes tight and you hold your breath lest it slip away. Welcome back to my blog dear friends. Thanks for joining me.

We are but a moments sunlight
Fading in the grass

Today Is The Day

2010-06-08T09:17:00.000-05:00

That's what I told Charlie last Sunday. Today is the day that we become those people.You know, those people we see out and about in the world doing the things that we wish we were out doing. Things like this from SouleMama. Or people biking through The Woodlands. Even things like this, which seem so far out of our reach but really inspire an ache in our bones to do and be more. More active. More adventurous. More AWESOME!

I know we are kind of awesome already but we want more. Not the kind of crazy consumption more (although we do occasionally get sidetracked on the consumer treadmill) but just the unshakable feeling that there is more LIFE out there for us to experience. I've lived in the south long enough to tolerate the heat better which was the initial hurdle to overcome. Now we are fatter, older and more out of shape but that's never gonna get better without getting out there and doing more first. I'm hoping that seizing the carp will spark a revolution in my small family to start living the life that we dream of. Health and wealth will follow because they part of the big picture. The things that we want will all work together to create the life that we want and it all started Sunday!

I wanted for us to go for a walk. We decided to take a walk in the forest. A short drive and a $5 day pass later we were outdoors, exploring, walking and communing with nature. The forest was a swirl of butterflies and I could feel our family beginning its transformation as surely as those caterpillars did. Today is the day. I couldn't be happier.

Whew!

2010-05-31T00:36:00.001-05:00

We made it! While we are a long way from being settled we have made it, in relatively one piece. The tile wasn't finished in the kitchen on moving day and most of the last minute cleaning & preparing never took place. You know like rubbing the oil based paint out of the kitchen sink (done), picking up the odds/ends of construction tools (done), bleaching the fridge & bathtub (not done). But Ellis has taken sink baths the last two days and Charlie and I... well the bathtub WILL be cleaned tomorrow. Oh yes, and the whole place has new flooring. Hooray!!

Today we took it easy, doing just enough to say we achomplished something. I even took a 2 hour nap. The bedroom is a little cramped but I actually really like it. It doesn't feel oppresive just small and cozy and safe. The rest of the house is still full of boxes but the little tricks like painting the wall that runs the length of the apt the accent color and keeping the same flooring throughout really makes it feel much more open. We have internet, now just waiting for the cable guy. It will be his third trip out here but hopefully third time is a charm and we can get some Agent Oso going. (Ok - there are a few shows I missed last week & I really want to see them. Son has been way too busy exploring and helping his dad to miss the tv.)

Tomorrow will be a busy day. We need to turn in the keys to the old place, drive down to Ikea and pick up the table and stop by Whole Foods to pick up some food for the week. Did I mention that the old apt is full of piddley things like that last bag of garbage (you know the one), my butterfly garden planters, the BBQ, and several bags headed for Goodwill? There are many things I don't like about moving but going back for the piddley stuff is in the top 5 worst parts about moving for me.

Tuesday will probably be Son's last day of school. He technically has class on Wednesday but may not make it because he has an OT (occupational therapy) evaluation that morning. We've been on the waiting list for over a month there and the day before we moved they finally called us. It's just a small thing that has fallen into place but goes a long way in making me feel reassured that we are doing the right thing. My intent in having us move back out here (yes I was the driver on this one) was that we needed a place to go where we could heal Son. Not just a place to take the financial burden off us (although that was a large motivation) so that we could afford more treatment but also a place that was small and easy to care for. A place that felt safe and peace-filled, where we could go for a walk after dinner or where Nana could take him down the street to the park. A place were I could haul him out of bed some night to go lay by the water and look for shooting stars. A place where I could slow down and recconect with myself and my Son. Where the rest of the world keep on spinning around us as I step into the place of being his teacher and his healer. And even though there are many boxes filled with belongings that need to find a place to be, and a to do list that would take years to accomplish I feel it already, a sense of peace. A burden lifted and a sigh of relief, we made it to our safe haven.

Although I don't know if Charlie agrees with me or completely understands my motives he has been the most gracious husband under less than gracious circumstances. He scraped, painted, and worked his ass off to make this happen for me, the whole time giving up an apartment and a lifestyle that he loves. After all that, he still drove down to the old place at 10pm last night to pick up the patio chairs so that I would have a place to sit and it would feel more at home, remembering to also pick up an oreo mcflurry on the way. I am humbled and awed by his love and devotion to me and our son. When I met him almost 6 years ago he told me he was relentless. I thought that he meant that he would get what he wanted no matter the work, sacrifice or cost entailed. Never in a million years did I think that he would apply that same relentless determination on taking care of our family, taking care of little ole me & my happiness. It is an amazing thing, to be so loved.

Another unexpected source of help has come from Charlie's family. They too have put a great deal of work into making our home ready. Dave put down all the tile, Uncle Skip and Uncle Glen made it their personal mission to fix the bathroom - replacing the sink, installing a new light & fan, Uncle Glen fixed several pieces of the dry wall, Phyllis took care of Son while we worked. And many many more acts of love and kindness. They all know why we are coming back here which makes it that much more meaningful to me. I have never felt so loved and accepted by this family, which is a big deal... for me. Glen will be back this week, I think, to put down the baseboards, Skip & Glen will be fixing several of the ceiling fans, as well. Good things.

Well I should call it a night. The boys did not nap and will be up that their usual time I'm certain. I hope that you all are doing well as you move through your own transitions, whether it be a move, a new love, or what ever change 2010 has brought to your door. My thoughts are with you.

xoxo

-E

Vlogging Vlogging All the Day

2010-05-12T17:23:00.001-05:00

Just checking in. There are a couple mistakes. (like the date, oops) I was in a hurry. Well... you'll see. We are in transition. This is always the most hectic, chaotic, scariest part, just before life becomes beautiful again.

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly" -

Anonymous

The Emmy & Ellis Show

2010-04-30T11:22:00.000-05:00

I had a great time making this vlog (video+blog = vlog) with Son. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did. He had a lot to share & it was awesome to see him so interested in what I was doing.

I'm sure you could tell that I had a hard time keeping a train of thought going. Just a quick recap:
1. I'm almost done with school. Getting amped up for summer!
2. Charlie had his allergy testing done. Severe reaction to dust and mold but no food allergies.
3. Son's DAN doctor added 6! new supplements. Still waiting for our ARD meeting to determine whether he will have summer school. We are looking as separate options right now so we can keep him busy and engaged.

Every Tuesday and Thursday Charlie's mom comes down and plays with Son while I go to school and Charlie finishes up work. Last night I had a test and got out of class early so I picked Charlie up from work. We went out to dinner and then did some grocery shopping at Whole Foods. We were in a different part of the city and it felt so alive. We lived in that area a few years ago and I forgot how much energy and motion it had. It was nice to visit and bathe in it for a while. Then we got home and Nana had washed the dishes for me. Wonderful!

Well I've got one more government test and two finals to study for. Probably will be back mid-May. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Just Hang In There

2010-04-14T09:53:00.000-05:00

That's what our DAN doctor said. If you can just hang in there as his body adjusts it will have big payoffs on his road to recovery. The thing is that I thought I knew what to expect but it wasn't at all what we've got. I thought maybe some more meltdowns, more clingyness, possible trouble sleeping. Well the meltdowns are right, but they are not really meltdowns more like a tantrum, a normal tantrum. Is is weird that I know how to handle a full on the world is ending right now meltdown but not a run of the mill I don't want to eat salmon tantrum?

I didn't expect that his stimming would kick up either. It sends a thrill of fear through me to see him seemingly slide backwards before he moves forwards. I thought that it would diminish. I read that after three shots someone's son on the internet quit toe walking all together. Son has had four shots and he toe walks now more than ever before. After several months of being able to tolerate all kinds of external stimuli except for his clothing he now shuts down for everything from the TV to the blender. But he does put his clothes on without a fight. Well except for yesterday when I tried to put his shoe on and we had to take some extra time to coax his foot and tell it that it would be ok to go in the shoe. He still cried.

I also didn't expect his medication schedule to be so intensive. I feel like every time I turn around it's time to give him more meds/supplements. Shots, creams, and syringe after syringe of meds, each given at a certain time, with certain others, with certain amounts of food. It's intense. More balls in the air to try and juggle. The good part is that he takes them with minimal fuss. I've tasted all of them. I would hate them and fight taking them. Sometimes when he resists I tell him that he has to get used to it because it's everyday for the rest of his life. I think I'm reminding myself of that when I say it, not him. Several months from now I won't give it any thought because it will be second nature, just a part of our routine. Today, I'm dragging my feet. Reluctant to put on my drug pusher/mad scientist cap. (Did I mention several of his meds need to be mixed just prior to use? It feels like a science experiment everyday.)

I'm not complaining, just processing these feelings that are running circles around me. I love that we have a DAN doctor and are FINALLY treating his underlying physical issues that are manifesting as autistic behaviors. I just didn't expect it to be like this. Unfairly, I wanted him to be one of those rare cases that took his meds for a short period of time and then woke up recovered. I'm also realizing that the more "typical" behaviors he exhibits how very little I know about raising a typical child. I don't know to to feel about that? Overwhelmed? Unprepared?

Charlie and I were both late bloomers. We've known for a very long time that Son will do exactly as he pleases in his very own time. (you'd think he was a Taurus and not my little crabbie) We have to just hang in there for him. Be strong. Be steadfast. Be his champion.

*deep breath*

I can do this. Yes I can.

And because I can't end such an angsty post without some good news check this out:

He put his blocks together but not in a straight line! He's been lining things up for several years now, it's a 'typical autistic behavior'. Then a couple days ago he made this wonderful shape, all on his own. (I was making dinner) I couldn't be more pleased. Plus his vocabulary is still growing. The other day he was in the kitchen and called out 'hey guys' to me and Kev. Progress. Yes, indeed.

Ten Pictures

2010-03-15T13:04:00.002-05:00

This week is Spring Break. I have much to share with you, so let's get started! I think some pictures are long over due so:

My Monday list is 10 Pictures I've been wanting to post but haven't made the time to do so until today.

1.

This one shows Son washing fruit. Not only have we FINALLY found a suitable Farmers Market but I've also started washing all produce once we get home. It's amazing how much more we actually use all because of a $2 wash bin from Target. My helper is great too!

2. BEFORE:

AFTER:

I'm learning how to sneak veggie goodness into familiar foods that Son loves. We're slowly yet surely getting a hang of this non-milk non-egg lifestyle. In the first picture, the mix in the white cup is ground flax seed and water mixed to create our egg substitute - it works great! Also in the first picture, the glass in the back left is iced coffee. I've started making 1 large pot of coffee on Monday and then saving what we don't drink in the fridge (about 8 of the 12 cups) to make iced coffee throughout the week. It's so yummy and saves us money from Starbucks (since I only buy iced coffee from them) and money from wasting our pricey organic free trade grounds. Good stuff.

3.

Speaking of food we're going through a serious Kettle Corn phase. Everyday after school last week Son asked for it. I now use raw organic coconut oil instead of regular vegetable oil and it makes it out of this world! It has also sparked some great conversation with Charlie about food memories from our childhood. I still remember mom's old yellow popcorn maker and what a huge deal it was to make popcorn. It also makes me extremely happy to have a life partner (sorry I can't help but I still giggle at the term life partner) that after almost 6! years I can still sit down and just chat with for hours, like we're just getting to know each other. We've been doing that a lot lately, over soda or beer or ice creams and it's lovely.

4.

We've had some weird weather. Snow a couple weeks ago but then some of our neighbors headed to the pool yesterday. I think we're firmly in Spring now. Flowers booming, trees have budded and it's 70F + out there. No matter the weather, Son is prepared.

5.

Perfect weather to head to the park. (We miss you Brosia and kiddos!)

6.

Or out to the lake for a picnic. With Nana.

7.

We started soccer last week. Not sure who was more overwhelmed me or Son but we held hands the whole time and worked through it. Had lots of fun too!

8.

Still working on sensory issues. He wanted a bubble bath which is a fairly recent positive development but please note the half of the tub he is sitting in has had the bubbles removed. The things we do for our silly kiddos. *wry smile*

9.

Speaking of things we do. Homemade vegan yogurt anyone? It was actually pretty tasty and easy to make. Found it on Raw on $10 a Day (or Less!) Too bad Charlie and Son both shunned it.

10.

Oh this sweet boy. How can I resist him?

Well that was more than 10 pictures but like I said - I have a lot I've been wanting to share. I'm off to do some Spring Break reading. Maybe some Spring Break lego building. And later I may even do some Spring Break bread making. Because Spring Break is a pretty big deal around these parts, just in case you didn't notice. :)

February Fail

2010-03-01T23:11:00.007-06:00

***I wrote most of this last night but once the clock turned 12:01am Charlie told me I missed my Monday deadline and must come to bed immediately before I spent most of the night writing and editing. (or watching funny cat videos on youtube like I often find myself doing in wee hours of the morning when I'm too tired to get up and go to bed, lol) I was so exhausted I listened. So my Monday list falls on Tuesday***

Yes, it feels like February was a gigantic failure and over way too soon for me to put it right. I realize that dragging my feet isn't a very nice way to welcome March to 2010 but I had such grand plans for February most of which never happened. I'm not sure if it's those 3 days that it's missing or the two weeks that were spent sick and recovering from sickness but I've entered March feeling behind and unprepared when I was thinking I'd have my act mostly together. Ha!

Rather than focus on all the things I wanted to get done but didn't I've decided to write about all the things I did manage to do in spite of the many challenges we faced in February. With deference to time and all the things that are still waiting to get done I've decided to combine my weekly list with my One Small Change February Recap.

February Wasn't a Complete Failure After All List:

1. I did not start using cloth napkins yet. I couldn't in good conscious order the ones from Crate and Barrel even though I like the price per unit. Instead I ordered these from a very nice lady on esty. I vote with my dollars and I know that my product is being made with love and care rather than by mega-company with little or no regard for the earth or their workers.

2. Instead of using cloth or buying paper napkins I broke out the reserve napkins that I had been saving from when we eat out.

3. We made another recycling run. It feels so good to recycle and see all of the items that were saved from going to the dump.

4. I recycled my plastic cutting boards for bamboo and glass. This equals better health for my family and the earth since bamboo is a renewable resource.

5. This last weekend we went to a farmers market! I bought strawberries from a local farmer, seems odd to say in March but apparently strawberry season is different here in the south. I love buying local. Afterward we stopped buy Whole Foods to make some more organic, local and grass fed purchases.

6. I started to put paper towels in my cart but didn't. It's amazing how habit can take over in the store. I have been using our cloth towels much more. Still haven't quite figured out how to drain the bacon though. I know we could just not eat it but I don't think Charlie would survive. It's not a big deal just one of those nagging questions in need of a solution.

7. I have all the things in order to make a reusable cloth sandwich wraps for Charlie and Son's lunches. I also came across the perfect linen to make SouleMama's bread bags. Now I just need to set aside the time and make it happen.

8. In the midst of our sickness I bought several boxes of Kleenex. It wasn't until I was feeling better that I really realized what I had done. Handkerchiefs are a much better choice and several soft colorful ones have since found their way into our household.

9. Most importantly I've week doing a lot of thinking on how waste and disorganization go hand in hand. (inspired by this lovely lady) The Kleenex is a classic example of how being unprepared and disorganized lead to waste. I know our family does more than it's fair share of food waste, paper waste, money waste, electronic and garbage waste because we are not organized. We buy multiples because we can't find something or we buy food but don't cook it. We order out instead, spending our money supporting companies who get their food from who knows where - not to mention the styrofoam containers the food comes home in. So for March our family will be making One Small Change in the organization of our home. I'm still reading It's Hard to Make a Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys by Marilyn Paul and it is really helping me take stock of just how being disorganized is effecting my ability to authentically live the vision for my family that I have in my heart.

One Small Change March Mini List:

The piles of paper will be sorted, shredded, filed and recycled.
The dishes and picking up will be done every day.
I will create a place to write down items as I run out so my shopping list reflects what we really need.
I'll consult the pantry before I make the menu & shopping list.
I will pick on small space and clean out and freecycle what we no longer need/use.
I will make sleep/waking a priority so that I can function at optimal levels and accomplish my goals.

10. I think what has surprised and challenged me the most is the amount of thought and preparation that goes into change. Even just one small change. I was completely unprepared for the many implications of trying to cut down on paper and plastic consumption in our home. I didn't really realize how often I reached for a plastic baggie or a paper towel or how hard it would feel to give up my dependence on them. It's also a bit overwhelming to realize how everything is connected from how much sleep I get to how I spend our money to how much garbage goes out the door. Whew!

So March is now under way. I have a feeling that this is going to be a fun and challenging month as we go to work on the fundamentals in order to be the change we want to see in the world.

Let's Never Do That Again

2010-02-22T08:38:00.006-06:00

That's what I told Charlie about both of us being sick at the same time. Our beautiful four day Valentine weekend was turned into 11 days of coughing, sneezing, snotting, fever-y, misery. Instead of renting a nice little cabin at the beach or going out to a fancy dinner we ended up spending several hundred dollars on doctors and medicine. Charlie had a trifecta of infection: ear, throat and sinus. I had an upper respiratory and ear infection and am going on 5 days with no voice. (the joys of being a Gemini) Son is headed to the doctor today as well, that is if I can get a hold of his doctors office.

As I'm sure you can guess all forward motion in our home has halted. We entered some sort of alternate dimension where you are just trying to survive despite the fact that your head is filled with cotton and you can't form a coherent thought that will actually help you survive. There were short bursts of clarity where the medicine and the moon hanging just right helped us to feel well enough to accomplish something, anything. One night after several days of semi-conscious recumbence Charlie decided to change the light bulb in Son's room, take down the Merry Christmas sign and goodness knows what else (I'm not sure where I was exactly during this time) but I did find the hammer on top of the fridge this morning. Our house is in a sad state of disrepair. Virtually no cooking took place after I got sick and we survived on take out. Which after a week sounds repulsive. Charlie lost his appetite and developed a strange case of order-it-but-don't-eat-it-itis. The good news is that we survived. We still have no energy but at least I can think clearly enough to see that there are several things that need my attention and Charlie returned to work this morning.

Somewhere in that hot mess of snot and cough drops we took Son to the DAN doctor. It was our initial consultation. I managed to write a 3 page history the night before which eliminated the need to do a lot of talking. She asked questions. I asked questions. They think Son may be having mini-seizures. After looking at his history they were able to see correlation between infection and milk and we were advised to take him off milk immediately. We were given a whole list of supplements for him to begin that will help feed his brain. And then a battery of tests. 10! vials of blood but he was so brave. Two tests require first morning urine after 24 hours of restricting his diet even more. (no apple juice, nut butters or ketchup!) All of this is what we expected but... but... it so much harder than I could have imagined even though I knew it was coming. A typical breakfast for Son might be yogurt, toast and apple juice. Right now the only thing he can have of that is the toast (with coconut oil) and I sure when I go back for the test results that he will be taken off of gluten as well. It takes three days for the casein in the milk to leave the system and on the third day we were all having doubts. Charlie was openly concerned and I kept telling him the withdrawal symptoms and regression were normal and excepted (it is normal and was expected). Inside I was battling this ginormous wave of fear about regression and the panic as seeing Son losing eye contact, not responding to his name, not using his words, throwing toys, stimming like crazy and melting down. But the next day he was better and today he's just asked me to move my leg so he could sit on the chair, awesome! Somehow I managed to find some almond milk and coconut oil to substitute milk and butter. I made my first GFCF pancakes using Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free Biscut mix on Sunday and they were quite tasty, if a little heavy. Needless to say I have got a lot to learn about this new way of preparing food but I think in the long run it could be the best thing that ever happened to us. I firmly believe that the biomedical treatments we are starting are the key to helping Son catch up with his peers even if it means coughing my way through Target while horribly ill in search of almond milk. Nothing like a little baptism by ~~snot~~ fire to really get this party started. Also somewhere during that week I spoke with a dear lady who just found out that her daughter was on the spectrum. Her family is devastated and so many things she spoke of came right out of my mouth at this same time last year, the confusion, denial, hurt, anger, fear, guilt, and love. Although it was not the easiest conversation to have it was good to talk to someone, listen to someone, share the load, share our stories, pick each other up and dust each other off and hopefully share the road to recovery as well.

So that's where we stand. It feels like February just slipped by when I was ready to languish in it. I've much to do and am now more behind than ever but I know I've also got to take it slow and give my body time to really heal. The deep cleaning may not get done but I can continue to research and plan for Son, catch up on my school work, reclaim the house one small corner at a time. This is my Lifting the Fog List, all about the things I found hanging out in my psyche as the fog of sickness began to lift.

LIFTING THE FOG LIST

1. These napkins - well pretty much everything in her shop. It's all so beautiful.

2. I've been reading and re-reading posts by Green & Crunchy, a new favorite blog stop. My family isn't quite there yet (lol) but oh my she is inspiring. Her post about the co-op is especially awesome and I'm headed over there again this morning to re-read and gleam some new information from the comments.

3. Pretty much anything on the TACA (Talk About Curing Autism) website. They have so much information and seem to have a no non-sense kind of attitude that makes me want to live up to their high standards.

4. Last night it was still light out at 6:30pm - a sure sign that spring is almost here. Time to figure out how I'm going to do the butterfly garden and container tomatoes. I may even try my hand at herbs again.

5. It's Hard To Make A Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys by Marilyn Paul. I was reading this and journaling her 'exercises' and having quite a few revelations before I got sick. I can't wait to get started again.

6. Routine. Routine. Routine. I miss my routine. Need to get back to it!

7. Yes I'm still on about the love poems:

8. Son loves his crib but it's about to bite the dust. I don't want to buy another crib. I don't know if I'm ready for the big boy bed transition. I need a plan because his crib could literally collapse any day now. It would be so much easier get excited about it if Target hadn't gotten rid of the bedroom decor that I had my heart set on. On the other hand Macy's does have an awesome sale on mattresses right now so maybe we should be proactive and buy one.

9. Weekly budget meetings are going well. Charlie is awesome about keeping us on the plan but the path is very difficult. (see #8)

10. The new file folders that have been waiting in my office since right before I got sick. I can't wait to get some order going in there even if I don't see it happening before next week.

I can hear my busy everyday nothings are calling me again. Now to call Son's doctor again, figure out what to make him for lunch and maybe switch the laundry over. Wishing you good health and a savory last week of February.

Turn & Turn About

2010-02-08T13:47:00.003-06:00

For some strange reason last week was hard. I mean really hard. I generally like to stay focused on the happy side and over last five years have learned to hitch the first ride out of Negative Town as soon as I realize I've ended up there but... last week it felt like there was no way out. The biology department revamped the way that teachers are allowed to test students, well wouldn't you know I purposefully signed up with the same teacher because her way of teaching & testing was exactly the way I learn best? Last week was our first test and I left 4! of the answers blank, as in I couldn't even figure out how to bs my way through them. In preparation for that test Nana spent the better part of three days here playing with Son. I am SO grateful. Let me repeat I am SO grateful. She was a life saver but... this isn't about her. And spending three days closeted in my office studying made me feel like the worlds worst mother. By the end of the third day Son was distant with me & I didn't blame him. It set off this cascade of doubt about what I'm studying and why. The eternal question of shouldn't I just hurry up and get a job (like an ultrasound tech) so that I can go to work and come home to my REAL life of taking care of my family instead of focusing so much time and energy on a career path that will take years to attain and may require me to spend 15hours a day away from my family but is more than likely my true passion. (whew!) And then there were some financial missteps that totally threw my groove. Ugh. I hate when that happens and the worry they have created is still eating away at me even though I know there is nothing for it but to wait until the money is that hanging out there in the Universe flows this way again. Oh yes, and some how in all of that there was a short spat with a sibling (now resolved) which turned into the lingering festering feelings regarding my family (parents & siblings) and the way it feels to live outside the 'circle'. That was a doozy! All in all it was a terrible first week of February. I think I cried everyday. My stress levels were off the charts and worst of all I was acting nowhere close to the best possible version of myself.

So this week my list is the Negative Town Redux List where I turn the things that got me down around and send them on their way.

1. The effing Biology Department. Totally effed me over and now I'm scrambling to try to figure out how to pass this class.

Redux: It was the first test of the semester and now I know what to expect. I need to start studying earlier and perhaps even stay later in class. (I have a tendency to do all of my work ahead of time so I can leave right after the lecture instead of taking advantage of the 3 hours my teacher is available to help me understand this stuff.) My teacher offers extra credit and I can make up for this first disaster of an exam and still get an A in the class.

2. A job versus a career. I don't understand how to balance my home life and a career. I asked Dad & he said to go with the career. I asked Mom she said to go with home life. I feel conflicted between focusing on Son and focusing on school. I feel guilty no matter where I spend my energy. I can't win. I can' t figure this out. I'm going to screw this up.

Redux: Whoa there lady just take a deep breath and maybe get some extra sleep this week. Stay on top of your homework and focus on studying as much as possible early in the morning and in the evening while Son is sleeping. Breaking a new path is never easy but you and Charlie are creating a better destiny for your family tree by pursing higher education. This is a good thing. You are never forced to do anything you don't want to do but you do have to do something. So take it one degree at a time. First your associates in nursing, then if you want to go on - get your bachelors, then if you want to go on - get your masters. No matter what focus on the things that make you feel passionate about being both a mother and a medical professional. Your gonna need help so you might as well get used to it.

3. Money. OMG. Everything had to work out just perfectly in order for everything to work out. It didn't go perfectly of course and now we're effed for the next week or two. I suck at handling our family's resources no matter how hard I try to do what's right.

Redux. Yep you made a mess but asking yourself for perfection and depending on external factors are not setting yourself up for success. It's not the end of the world. Everyone is ok. There is nothing you can do to change it now so just LET IT GO. Coming up is a chance to wipe the slate clean and start over. Take advantage of this. Write everything down before hand & have a budget meeting with Charlie every night if you have to in order to keep you on the same page. He would love to help you so let him.

4. Family. *CENSORED* by me.

I initially wrote this bit but I decided against posting it. It concerning feelings that I WAS having and have since dealt with and let go. If you really want to know just email me and I'll send you the part I cut out. Stuff does need to be said and addressed regarding this issue but via blog is probably not the best way.

There it is. This week is looking better already. I've decided to take Charlie's advice and wipe the slate clean. The whole bloody thing. I've created a better study plan for my classes. I've been cleaning like crazy this morning so that I don't have to worry about it for the rest of the week. I've scheduled time to re-create the budget and meet with Charlie about it. I've started looking for items for my vision board that remind me why I love health care. I've been setting time limits on the tv and internet so that Son and I have time to play together. Most importantly I've committed to getting some sleep this week and spending a bit more time nurturing myself instead of running myself ragged. Now to get back to the good stuff. You know, the LOVE stuff. Oh yeah stay tuned for more lovely dovey sweetness coming your way.

Fabulous February

2010-02-01T17:52:00.012-06:00

Well my lovely lady February has arrived and I couldn't be happier to greet her. This is the first time in a long time I'm actually excited about Valentines Day. Why you ask? Because this is the first year that Charlie suggested doing something to celebrate. All on his own. As in I had nothing to do with it! I gave up on V-day about 2 years into this show so I'm pretty sure I blacked out for a minute or two just from sheer happy shock. Now because we are trying to be diligent and pay off debt I'm not certain what will actually come of it but it's too late to pull the brake now, I'm in full on romance mode baby! I'm thinking candle light dinners, flowers, love notes, sinful chocolate, excellent wine, lots of romantic music preferably sung in foreign languages and maybe a little dancing in the kitchen. oh la la

Regardless of my romantical notions, there are still many things that must be done & lists the need to be made. Thus I present to you:

February List of Love

28. Gym 4x

27. Homemade Bread Weekly

26. Write Love Letter(s)

25. Wake Up at (at least) 6am Every Morning

24. Fix Family Picture Frame - Hang Up

23. Yoga 2x Week

22. Son to Park 4x (I give myself permission to just hang out with him on the porch instead 1x)

21. Revisit and Shore Up 2010 Goals

20. Send 20 Valentines

19. Celebrate Imbolc

18. Research Scholarships

17. Go 24hrs Without Getting on Computer 3x

16. Find a New Cleaner for Charlie's Shirts

15. Get Son a Goldfish for Valentines Day

14. Organize Bookmarks

13. Spend 1hr per Week Crafting Something (Christmas Owls?)

12. Read 1 Love Poem Everyday

11. Prepare 1 Vegetarian Meal per Week

10. Attend Church

9. Make Pink/Purple Cupcakes

8. Sort 10 Magazines (from the pile) & Dust Off My Inspiration Board

7. Make the Bed Everyday

6. Price Check Following Items: Guitar Lessons, Stainless Steel Pans, Glass Bakeware, Large Freezer, Bed/Bedding for Son, Sea World San Antonio, Knitting Lessons

5. Menu Plan & Shopping List for 2 Weeks -> Repeat

4. Update Voter Registration & Driver's License (because we're not moving)

3. ~~File Taxes~~ Done!!

2. Make Myself at Least 1 Cuppa Each Day

1. Write Love Poem

February. It's gonna be a good one. I know it! Before I sign off I'd like to share one of my most favorite love poems ever:

I know not whether thou has been absent:

I lie down with thee, I rise up with thee,

In my dreams thou art with me.

If my eardrums tremble in my ears,

I know it is thou moving within my heart.

~Aztec Love Poem

One Small Change Part Deux

2010-02-01T10:03:00.005-06:00

The first thing you probably notice is the change in layout. I was feeling all girly and romantical for February (yes its already February) and this fit the mood perfectly. I was working on an awesome new banner for the blog as well but about an hour into it I realized that by the time I figured out how to make it look the way I envisioned February would be over and the new banner would be a mute point. Anyways, I hope you like it.

ONE SMALL CHANGE PART DEUX

How It Went: You probably recall that for January our family pledged to start recycling again. It went quite well. It felt so good be one step closer to living our truth as stewards of our planet. Ideally we would visit the recycling center once a week or every other week but I really wanted to see how much stuff we saved from going to the landfill and I have to say it was pretty impressive.

Ok so the picture doesn't look that impressive but those Ikea bags are huge. I promise. (The white bag is shredded paper.)

An Added Benefit: I started paying more attention to the items we bring into our home and their recycling potential. For example some of our favorite beer comes in green bottles (Dos Equis & Heineken) but the recycling center doesn't take green glass so I opted for something different in brown. Before I would have just bought the usual and not thought twice. I find myself stopping and thinking much more about my purchases. Not only from a recycling standpoint but also a local, organic, and free trade view.

Just My Luck: On a side note, I took the recycling to the center on Friday. I loaded the car with Son and the bags and we jetted off to take Son to school. Going around a corner we heard the bags of aluminum cans tip over. I didn't want to pick cans up from the back of the van at the recycling center (god forbid I look less than organized & 'together' in front of the recycling center people who btw are so sweet) so after I sent Son into the school I opened the gate of the van. Foolishly thinking I could reach my arm 'up there' and catch the bag before it tipped completely over. I was wrong. Did I mention it was an unusually windy day? Yep, at least 20 cans jumped ship, got caught by the wind and were sent rolling down the school driveway tickity boo. You know who went running (after a fashion) to catch them. It was so cold and windy and ridiculous that I ended up in a fit of giggles trying to run down these cans first on foot and then with the car. My cheeks were red with wind, exertion and embarrassment (did I mention the bright yellow Boddingtons Pub Ale cans, oh dear) but it was also kinda fun. Made me feel young and silly for a moment. Silly is good!

Whats Next: Pretty much ever since we started in January I've been trying to figure out what I wanted to do for February. This month we are switching to cloth napkins. It does include a small purchase (probably these) but it serves two purposes, it cuts down on our paper waste and it will hopefully be what we need to help Son's table manners. (he hates hand & face wiping) Along with this we will be working on cutting down our paper waste in general. For example I keep paper towels in the house supposedly for Charlie when he cooks but the last few months he hasn't cooked and yet those paper towels disappear all the same. I also tend to hate looking for scratch paper when I need it and end up grabbing a new sheet off the printer. I need make an easily accessible place to store our scratch paper (I know we have plenty of it!) so that I can get the most use of the paper we have instead of just consuming more. I'm interested to see how shifting my awareness to 'paper' will trickle down into other areas like the recycling did.

***Stay tuned I do have my Monday List ready & will post later this afternoon/evening.***

Eating the Elephant

2010-01-25T13:58:00.003-06:00

My anatomy and physiology professor said something last week that I've been repeating to myself ever since. "Q. How do you eat an elephant? A. One bite at a time." I think that's the best way to accomplish my goals in 2010. Rather than biting off more I can chew, getting discouraged and then spitting it out and leaving it there on the plate (metaphorically of course) I will take smaller more digestible bites and just keep working it until I get it done. Of course this requires having a POA (plan of attack) and believe me my dears, I have many. For example I have created a very nifty weekly schedule of the chores that need to be done and the best days to do those chores. Normally I would try to do them right now and rigidly stick to the chore schedule only to give up in disgust but this week I gave myself one task: keep the dishes done. It's a hard task for me and I carry around a handful of justify-ers ranging from the the pitiful to the reasonable as to why that is but that's not important this week. What's important is that I acknowledge that it's so hard in fact that I need it to be my one thing to do (with regard to the chore list) for this week as well and will probably continue to be my focus until it becomes habit. Of course the laundry still needs to be done and the bathroom is in need of some attention etc. and I continue to work on those but they are not my focus - the object of my diligence - is the dishes.

Small obtainable goals are my mantra for now. So in that spirit my list for this week consists of the things I would like to do before the end of January. There are seven days left in this month so I will make it 7 items long.

END OF JANUARY ELEPHANT LIST

1. make cinnamon raisin bread from scratch
2. go the the gym 2x
3. clean guest bathroom
4. create February goals list
5. finish rough draft 2010 want/need list
6. price and prioritize upcoming large expenses (son medical bills, charlie ipod, tax prep - etc.)
7. send a letter

How is your January? Accomplishing all you hoped? What are your plans for February? Chewing on any Elephants lately?

Listing

2010-01-18T11:26:00.003-06:00

I am a huge fan of making lists. I have probably 7-10 various lists scattered around my desk right this moment. This morning Molly posted some interesting links about making a weekly list. Wow! I love this idea and am going to start it right now.

Amber's 31st Birthday List or Things I know and love about Amber

1. Something I have always admired about Amber is her fearlessness. I remember her waking up early to ride the horse, make the horse run (something I've still never done) and the fall off laughing. I also remember her jumping off the high dive while I still shook jumping off the low dive. She was the first one to re-enroll in college. She flew to El Salvador. The list goes on.

2. Amber has a beautiful voice. (I wish I had recordings of it.) My favorite memory of her singing was when she sang Korn at Saul's wedding. Although she can do an awesome cover of "Baby got back" and I am always moved when I hear her singing "sister hear me calling".

3. I don't think I have ever fought with anyone like I've fought with Amber. Screaming, crying, snotting, throwing things and of course the 'head banging' incident. I remember very clearly being so jealous of her friendship with Kelly (from Kamiah) that I kicked her. Such passion can only come from such love but I'm glad we disagree in a more civilized manner these days. :)

4. My first memory of Amber has something to do with a post office in Red Lake. It's more like a vague impression. My first clear memory of Amber has to be sledding down the big hill by our house in Red Lake.

5. I LOVED playing barbies with Amber. Now as I struggle to remember what we imagined (so that I can show Son how to use his imagination) I realize that it had mostly to do with clothing choice. A wonder that we didn't both go into fashion. I still remember the barbie wedding dress that she had.

6. She was instrumental in teaching me how to: ride a bike & swim.

7. She was instrumental in teaching me how not to: play softball.

8. I think Amber shows her love through acts of service. She will help people she loves and cares for if they ask despite the expense or inconvenience to herself. A perfect example is when she helped move me down to Texas or when she helped me finish moving our stuff out of Charlie's parents house. Those are just the grand gestures I can remember off the top of my head, the small things she does everyday.

9. The name Firefly suits her perfectly. Bright, fiery and full of energy.

10. The way that Amber can move through a crowd making everyone feel welcome, comfortable and special is amazing!

11. Amber practiced The Secret before there was a book. Her ability to manifest awe-inspiring.

12. Loyal.

13. Hard working. Oh yes she is! I still remember the way she busted out Zena's garden.

14. I still dream about her chicken fried steak.

15. I know that her little family will be successful because Amber is not a quitter. She will fight and carry on until her goal is attained.

16. Remember going swimming in the river after we had heard about beaver attacks. lol

17. We had grand adventures as a children. Biking down 'dog street' - swimming down the canal - even doing dishes together was an adventure.

18. We've had grand adventures as adults. England - Grand Canyon - the wee woo.

19. She has beautiful children.

20. We've gone through periods where we've been really close and then drifted apart then came back together. Now I don't worry when it feels like we're drifting, I trust our bond to bring us back together.

21. She still loves me no matter how weird she thinks I am.

22. Our friendship as adults was colored early on by trips to the movie theater and Hawaiian blizzards.

23. She was co-sleeping before co-sleeping was cool.

24. I wish everyone had her dedication to our country's veteran's.

25. She can speak Spanish! the only family member who is bi-lingual which rocks!

26. She also makes awesome chorizo, from scratch!

27. She follows the path that love leads her down.

28. She had been knocked down more times than seems fair but she always gets back. That strength of character is wonderful.

29. If you ask her to do something: read a book, pick something up at the store you can depend on her to do it.

30. She was an awesome older sister. Even though we sometimes got in trouble she always let me tag along.

31. She always has been and always will be my bff.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTER!! You know I love you more than my luggage. ;)

Amber and I at the Grand Canyon January 2005.

p/s She's also a kick ass auntie, a great gym/diet partner, and the one of the funniest people I know.

Puzzling

2010-01-13T11:02:00.004-06:00

Several times this last week I've fought the urge to feel overwhelmed and unprepared. I feel like I'm sitting at a table covered in puzzle pieces and I'm trying to put it all together. This week I think I've gotten the edges found and have several of the colors sorted but still haven't quite started putting it together and all the while more pieces are being added. I don't think this puzzle was ever really meant to be solved in one week or one year but rather over the course of my lifetime. A few weeks ago I watched Food Inc. which filled in some missing pieces but raised new questions about the treatment of the people who grow and process our food. Then a couple days ago I found out it was Human Trafficking Awareness Day and even more pieces flooded to the table. I feel sick that people are being exploited so that I can eat, so that I can wear the clothes I do, and that's not even including the sexual exploitation that will go on during the FIFA World Cup which up until two days ago I had been waiting with much excitement for.

So now I'm more aware of where my food comes from and what happens to the people who grow and process it. I'm well aware of our financial well being and have committed myself to a food budget and sticking to it. I'm well aware of the food waste that goes on in our home because of poor planning, lack of paying attention (how long has that sat in there?), lack of organization (my cupboards are in desperate need of an organization fairy) and general slackassness when it comes to preparing. (I don't feel like cooking lets order pizza.) All of those things now weigh heavily on my mind and heart and that hasn't even addressed the nutritional needs of our family who are grossly lacking fruit, veg and whole grains and my growing concern for how food effects Son's PDD.

The good news is what I've pretty much used or given away all of the food that was in our fridge and freezer. I just need to do a quick inventory of our cupboards and then I'll be ready to menu plan for the next two weeks. I know I need to keep it realistic, (instead of trying to add all 4 veg servings each day just start with 1), I need to keep it in budget and I need to make sure it tastes good. Whew!

What we eat and how we eat it needs to have more care taken.

Priorities:
1. Righteous Food (as our CSA farmer Brad calls it) meaning the plants, animals & people who grow our food are all treated with respect and compensated fairly for their hard work.

2. Food we like to eat. Improve on foods we already know we enjoy by purchasing organic or free trade.

3. Food I can make ahead or in a hurry. Especially on school nights.

4. Food preparation is done in a mindful, grateful & safe manner.

5. Variety is important to make sure our nutritional needs are being met. Local, seasonal food is best.

Plus
Just some things that are floating around my head this morning as I sort the pieces to my puzzle and consider the picture I want them to create in 2010. (I love that I gave myself permission to take the first couple months of the year and figure it out. I feel much calmer and hopeful about the changes I want to create.)

I also have been listening to Dave Ramsey. A lot. (you can download free podcast from itunes) Rather than adding more pieces per se he is giving me tools and the drive to sort them. (he added the pieces last summer when I read his book)

He said something to the effect of: Only the diligent prosper. Money stuff is a cause effect scenario. Nothing moves unless it's shoved. So you can sit there and look at this mess and live a mediocre life or you can decide to live with excellence. This goes for all areas of your life.

I must have listened to that segment 8 or 9 times. One thing I have not been in many years is diligent. Disciplined. I know I can be but I'm not. I know I can sort this out. I know I am the one who will make this work. Doesn't matter if I'm talking about my health or Son's health, or our part in the food cycle, or our money or whatever it is that I'm puzzling over. I KNOW that I can live the life I want and be the person I want to be, if only I am diligent in my pursuit of that life. Last night on the Biggest Loser they were doing a challenge that required them to walk on a narrow board across the pool. One of the ladies was terrified of water and although she got up on the board she became so afraid she freaked out, jumped off and landed face first on the cement pool deck. How many times have I (metaphorically) done this? I cannot afford to let fear or apathy or ignorance dictate my life.

To That End

Yesterday (when I started this post) I had written a long drawn out post filled with my yearly angst about whether we should continue to rent here or rent a home with a yard. There are many good reasons on both sides. Yesterday I felt like moving, today I don't. Since Charlie and I are still working out the details of our yearly budget it's still too soon to plan anything. There is so much we want to do but our first priority for the year is to dig out as much debt as we can. That means we have to exert much more discipline that we have in the last 5 years and really change the way we do things. Which means that although I haven't freecycled the moving boxes yet (like I swore I'd do) we may indeed not be needing them this year. And that although for the last few years we put up pictures just a few short months before we leave that place this past weekends handy work is not a sign that a move is imminent. Its a sign that we're home for now. Acting like the adults that most of the time we just pretend to be. This is the year to change. I know it!

The Hallway (don't mind the Christmas stuff :)

Feeling More Home-y Already

One Third

2010-01-10T09:56:00.003-06:00

Well we're now 1/3 of the way through January and still no 2009 recap. It's not that I've forgotten it, in fact just the opposite - I've been thinking about it a lot. I revisited last years calendar, last years blog entries and last years pictures (the ones that weren't eaten by the computer failure in the fall) but I just can't get excited about it. Just like I can't really get excited about 2009 at all. There was some really tough stuff for our family, losing Jesus & Son's PDD-NOS diagnosis head the top of the list. There was some awesome stuff too, well the cruise to Mexico mainly. But for the most part it was what I usually strive for - an even keel. With the exception of the aforementioned events the highs weren't that high and the lows weren't that low. This is a good thing I'm certain (well almost certain) but it doesn't leave me much to talk about in terms of a recap.

The biggest thing about 2009 that strikes me is the difference in Son. When we started this journey last year he had less than a 100 word vocabulary, no imaginative play, he tantrumed constantly when he wasn't a toddler zombie who failed to realize I was even in the room and I was filled with fear. Shaking in your boots, sweaty palms, can't sleep, sick to your stomach fear, for him & his future. He was sick for most of the first part of the year but when we finally found out what was wrong with him (chronic sinus infection - a happy accident he was dx by a visiting doctor while ours was out of town) and after 2 months of intensive medication he was better. He's been blossoming ever since, almost a different child. We have an appointment with a DAN doctor next month which I believe will be just the thing to boost him into healing stratosphere and off the spectrum and I am filled with hope. Hope and awe over this amazing little person.

Moving On
So now that the first week (and then some) of the year is over I've decided to just go ahead and ~~stop poking 2009 with a stick trying to prod some inspiration out of it~~ move forward leaving 2009 where I left it, in the ~~boring~~ dust. Not that I want 2010 to be filled with extremely high highs or equally low lows. No I'm not trying to tempt that fate nor am I complaining about 2009 - I would just like 2010 to move forward a bit more. 2009 seemed to stand still and I have no one to blame but myself. I have to be my own catalyst in regards to my physical, mental, spiritual and financial self. That didn't happen last year but I'm thinking after a nice long rest (called 2009) I'm ready to really push myself in 2010 to see some action. However, I like what SimpleMom said about taking the first few months of the year for introspection and figuring out specifically what you want to change and a positive plan of action to create that change rather than jumping into the year feet first with vague ideas and no plan on how to insure your success. It's hard for me to really slow down and think it through. But I've got lots of experience just jumping in and failing that I'm ready to try something different. My contribution to One Small Change is enough to fill that need for action now while I contemplate the rest of my resolutions to-be.

In the Mean Time
Check out SimpleMom if your still creating your 2010 - she's got lots of good ideas and starting off points. (Just scroll down past her newest post and you'll see the ones I'm talking about.) I also really liked her article on thinking about the kind of parent you want to be in 2010 - works for grandparents or parents of adult children or aunties and uncles too. *hint hint* I know I'll be referring back to her several times in the coming weeks to keep me on track and by the time spring gets here I'll be ready. What are you hoping/dreaming/creating for 2010?

Also
We did celebrate the New Year in grand fashion. We may have even started a new tradition.

One Small Change

2010-01-04T14:20:00.005-06:00

Yes, I know I still have an end of year recap for 2009 that is hanging out in the ether waiting to be written but I wanted to quick get this down and on the books first. Hip Mountain Momma is doing a challenge called One Small Change asking people to make one small change each month until Earth Day that will create a positive impact on this good Mother Earth.

For January I'm happy to say we are a recycling family once again. There were a couple things that had to happen to make this real, right now. I was on my way to Ikea last week to buy some recycling bins. Still fighting off that consumer mindset I initially thought that the $9 bins from Ikea were the best way to go because if your going to recycle you have to have the proper bins right? Wrong! For three very important reasons: I don't have space for them, I'm the one who has to carry them to the car & bins are large, awkward and I'd have to make several trips (which I would hate and therefore lessen the likelihood of success) and last Charlie and I had a budget meeting and canceled all non-essential spending. I could argue that they were essential to living our truth as Earth friendly recyclers but it felt sort of like saving the whales while eating shark soup.

Then last night I had a stroke of brilliance. Ikea still solved my recycling dilemma but in a more meaningful way. First of all I didn't spend any money but instead used the bags that you buy at Ikea to take your stuff home in. I'm so excited to re-purpose these bags that I rarely use and never remember to take back to Ikea. Second they are bags and therefore can be hung up in the utility room and hardly take up any room at all. And third they are perfect for easy transport to and from the car. Viola! We are recycling again baby!

Right now I only have three bags for the things which create the most waste in our home: coated cardboard (think pizza boxes), plastic, and aluminum cans. I also set up a separate bag in my office to catch the paper waste and will make a conscious effort to shred only paper (I have a bad habit of shredding envelopes with the plastic window, which makes the whole bin non-recyclable) and recycling the shredded stuff as well. I feel really good about this. It's really bothered me not to be recycling what we can and now I feel a weight lifted off me. (amazing what little stuff hanging out in our subconscious can do to burden our hearts)

Please feel free to join the One Small Change challenge. If your not a blogger or if you don't like parameters of the challenge I'm still interested to hear what it is your doing this year to help make this Earth (and through Her, us) healthier.

Blue Arrow: Small bag I got from Target last summer I use it to keep napkins and silverware that we get from take-out restaurants in. This way we can use them when we go camping or picnicking. (Mom used to keep a basket like this out on the back porch :) It cost me $1.

Red Arrow: Those are the blue Ikea bags you get at check out. I'm using them for plastic and coated cardboard recycling. At the time I think they cost $1-$2

Black Arrow: Aluminum recycling. Another re-usable bag I bought from Ikea (last summer) and I love but never really used before. This one may have cost $2-$3. So my total cost at the time of purchase was at most $8 which was less then one bin I was going to buy. Awesome!

The shelves are also from Ikea (yes it looks like Ikea threw up in my utility room, lol) I love them and have 2 sets of them in my office as well.

Upon Reflection

2009-12-30T14:17:00.007-06:00

I snagged these from Simple Mom. Charlie and I answered them this time last year. (I emailed them to him for review for this year.) I feel quiet and pensive and almost ready for a new plan of attack. We watched Food Inc. a couple days ago and it was all the pieces of the puzzle coming together in an unavoidable way. Like so many other things this past year. I feel an end of year recap coming on as well (inspired by Brigid's) so let's see where all this reflection leads me.

Reflection Questions for 2009

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

taking our cruise to Mexico. it felt so 'grown up' and was a wonderful experience. i knew that if we planned for it we could make it happen. we even spent $300 less than we budgeted without even trying! plus i got to see el carib & swim in her warm green-blue waters. awesome!

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

learning that son has pdd-nos. you think you know, you suspect, you fear and then you get the diagnosis and everything shifts. nothing changes and yet everything is different

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

my ASL class. not only was it filled with funny engaging people but i learned a lot of sign language and finally answered the call that i've to it my whole life. i think it's something i will pursue more since I love signing and being able to express myself without talking. as my hearing has only gotten worse it also comes in handy in trying to talk to charlie. it seems to help son remember his words, actually seeing it - which is an added bonus.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

information overload. i am always seeking information and finding awesome stuff but i don't stop and integrate a 10th of it. especially when dealing with autism stuff i need to discriminate what's real and valuable and then take the time to put it to work for us rather than just moving on and filling my mind with more information.

5. Pick three words to describe 2009.

boring. a bridge. quick quick slow slow.

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2009 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).

educational. home-y. busy.

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2009 (again, without asking).

stressful. working. cruise.

8. What were the best books you read this year?

didn't actually get a lot of pleasure reading done this year, so by default the laurell hamilton vampire series that charlie and i are reading together. although the fall of atlantis by marion zimmer-bradley is pretty good. (i've not finished it yet.) most helpful and paradigm shifting non-fiction was: total money makeover by dave ramsey. i knew it could be done, he showed me how.

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

son & charlie of course. i feel like i've drifted far from my outside relationships. maybe too far?

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

letting go of the need for perfection.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

i feel like i've got a better hold on where i spend my energy dollars. i realized not everything in the world is about me. adopted a more accepting attitude of what is and let go of my attachment to what i think it 'should be'.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

studied more of the Buddhist path. a lot of my peace filled moments come directly from those studies. i also think i may have finally found a spiritual place of worship. (universal unitarian) will explore that more is 2010.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

i think i may have gone backwards in this department.

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

ties in very closely with my emotional growth. accepting my relationships for what they are and allowing the people i share them with to be flawed. (except for cleo, i can't seem to let her be. in my heart i want so much more for her. will need to work on this.)

15. What was the most enjoyable area of managing your home?

just having a place that finally feels like home is the best part!

16. What was your most challenging area of home management?

finding a rhythm of cleaning that doesn't leave anyone waking up wondering whether or not they have clean socks. balancing home management with my school work.

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

still the internet. need to tame the beast. tv is a close second. although i have much less guilt about that.

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

attending college. i'm just that much closer to my goals. woohoo!

19. What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?

it's my need for perfection and control that makes me unhappy. when i let go of those needs things become lovely on their very own.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2009 for you.

a year spent standing in line. not sure what we're waiting for but it's one it's way.

Purple Musings

2009-12-28T15:53:00.003-06:00

So as much as I couldn't get enough green last fall I'm feeling purple for this new year. I'm devouring it and incorporating it in massive quantities. Not just any purple will do. There are some very beautiful, subtle plum & gray blog layouts out there but I'm looking for a knock your socks off bright, vibrant purple. Maybe that's what I'm looking for: vibrancy? Yes, vibrancy sounds perfect for the end of December and on into the long months of winter.

Christmas was wonderful. Of course. We had an enchanted quiet day. Son loved his gifts and is still happily playing with them. He makes a circuit from his dragon castle to his car legos, to the piano, to his leapfrog tag junior and on and on. It's so good to hear him playing and using his imagination (at last!). A couple weeks ago they had someone come into his school and share snakes with his class. He got to pet one and ever since snakes (usually in the form of mardi gras necklaces) have made a regular appearance in his play as well. He is much more aware of Christmas this year and has many of it's symbols down pat: snowmen, santa, reindeer. His favorite song is "Up on the Rooftop" and he makes the clopping sounds too. Although this morning he was laying on the bed while I was folding laundry and all the sudden he started singing jingle bells. It fills my heart, it feels like we waited so long to hear his sweet voice and when he sings my happy levels go off the charts.

I may or may not have been acting like a Nazi Christmas Elf on Christmas Eve trying to get my list 'checked off' so we could then enjoy Christmas. I may or may not have had to be reminded the real purpose of family and magick and of course joy. So I opted to forgo the crazy and exhausting cooking of the Christmas feast and just throw a pre-made lasagna & garlic bread in the oven and call it good. Charlie's mom, dad and brother came down. We ate and watched Star Trek (the new one) on blueray. I was slightly obsessed with cooking Christmas treats the way mom used to when I was a kid. I picked each of our favorites (toffee for Charlie, sugar cookies for Son and short bread for me) and then set about making all of them. On Christmas Eve. On Christmas day we also had apple pie & it wouldn't be Christmas without Dad's cheesecake. So we ended up with 5! desserts for our little family of 3. Last year I was obsessed with having a linen tablecloth like mom's. I was convinced that Christmas couldn't come without one. I don't know what next year with bring as I struggle to incorporate my remembered childhood favorite things with my new small family. I want so badly for Son to feel the same magick and wonder and I know it's not what's under the tree because all these years later I only remember what I got one year (a doll when we lived in NV) but I clearly remember the music and cooking, the linens and the sledding, the decorating and being so filled with excitement and anticipation I almost couldn't stand it! Next year perhaps.

This week is the week Charlie waits for all year. The week he can just stay home and do nada. We have no plans. There are a few things that could/should be done: we need to buy more soda, change out the movies at blockbuster and take his folks some ham. (I cooked Christmas dinner yesterday) We started talking about the 'list' for today several hours ago, he is napping, son is playing and I'm writing to you. The occasional deep breathe and total avoidance of the clock is needed on my part to really enjoy these lazy days. I thrive on routine and schedule and like my mother can't really relax until everything is done. I'm working on that. Part of my 'letting go of the need for perfection' lesson of 2009. It helps. Yesterday Charlie and I lay on top of our bed sharing the head phones and listening to the ipod together with Son popping in every now and then to show a toy or request some juice. It was one of those perfect moments where we both ended up singing and saying nonsense things like:

Charlie: oohh I love this one! Get my tambourine Mother!! (whole wide world - wreckless eric)

Me: if I was stranded on a desert island with an ipod and 10 songs, this would be one of them. (teenagers - my chemical romance)

Son: juicey please!

Wishing many of these perfect moments find their way into your heart and home during this last week of 2009.

Float On

2009-12-22T15:44:00.002-06:00

I backed my car into a cop car the other day.
Well he just drove off, sometimes life's OK.
I ran my mouth off a bit too much, oh what did I say?
Well you just laughed it off, it was all OK.

And we'll all float on OK. And we'll all float on OK.
And we'll all float on OK. And we'll all float on anyway.

Well, a fake Jamaican took every last dime with that scam.
It was worth it just to learn some sleight of hand.
Bad news comes, don't you worry even when it lands.
Good news will work its way to all them plans.
We both got fired on exactly the same day.
Well we'll float on, good news is on the way.

And we'll all float on OK. And we'll all float on OK.
And we'll all float on OK. And we'll all float on.
Alright already, we'll all float on.
No don't you worry. We'll all float on.
Alright, already. We'll all float on.
Alright, don't worry. We'll all float on.

And we'll all float on.
Alright already, we'll all float on.
Alright, don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy.
We'll all float on.

Alright already, we'll all float on.
Alright already, we'll all float on OK.
Don't worry, we'll all float on.
Even if things get heavy, we'll all float on.
Alright already, we'll all float on alright.
Don't you worry, we'll all float on.
We'll all float on.

***********************************************************************************
and so my little blog and my little family float on towards the new year. thanks for hanging in there as I reevaluate what I want to do with this blog and how to move forward in the coming year with my crazy school schedule. (did I really sign up for 6 classes next semester!) I'll see you all in the new year and best warm wishes for a very merry Christmas.

-E

Date Night

2009-10-26T20:24:00.004-05:00

Was huge success.

We went to a local driving range and hit 200 balls. It's only the second time I've been and the last time was 4 years ago! It was so exciting when I actually hit the ball and heard that CRACK! as it went sailing. (ok, only about 80 yards) It was so nice and cool out & wonderful to be outside for a while. Ah, I loved it! I even saw a hawk fly across the range.

And afterward, amaretto gelato at my favorite little bakery.

From Where I Sit

2009-10-21T10:12:00.006-05:00

THE WATER IS TOO COLD TO SWIM UNTIL NEXT SPRING.

BUT THERE IS STILL LOTS OF WATER PLAY HAPPENING AROUND HERE.

AND THERE IS EVEN SOME FALL CLEANING GOING ON.

Midway Through

2009-10-20T09:49:00.004-05:00

Well I survived the final week of my English class complete with 2 papers, 2 A&P tests, 1 ASL test and some sinus junk from hell. (even now if this post doesn't make much sense I blame the meds) I couldn't have done it if Charlie's mom who graciously came down a couple mornings and played with Son while I worked worked worked without interruption. The good news is that all that work paid off. I got an A in my English class (99 out of 100 total possible points), 100% on one A&P test and 97% on the other. I haven't gotten back my ASL test yest but I don't have such high aspirations for it since I missed all three classes when he went over those signs and devoted the least amount of time to studying that class. But the good news is that I MADE IT! Whew!

Now on to the other slightly more important bits of my life. Everything was on hold last week and this week I'm working double time to catch up. I've got half done Halloween decorations ala Martha Stewart, mostly deep cleaned bathrooms (still need to mop) and a whole pile of toys and clothes to sort. Still I love Fall. The last couple weeks have been hot during the week and cool on the weekends and a clear crisp October day will lifts anyone's spirits.

Yesterday Son and I took what I think will be the last pool dip of the season. It was perfectly warm even a little hot in the sun but the water was so cold that I could barely stand it. I think that may have been the first time I've ever not dunked my head under, it was that cold. Son of course loved it. He paddled and splashed and had the best time. Makes me almost wish they heated the pool in the winter even though it would be a huge waste of resources. Almost.

The pumpkin patch is a must this weekend. We were all set to go this past Sunday when Charlie came in with the news that my back tire was almost flat. (Like we needed to spend more money on the van this month, grrr.) They are doing Zoo Boo on the 31st so I'm not sure if we're going this weekend or next but of course we're going. It feels almost like the fourth of July, you wait all year for it and then it's a huge amount of stuff packed into a very short weekend since the Houston Symphony is also doing their Hocus Pocus Pops on Friday the 23rd at the pavilion as well. I would have to miss class for that one so I don't know if we'll make it or not. The Texas Ren Fest runs through November so I've got plenty of time for that still. All in all I'm looking forward to the busyness of the next couple of weeks and continuing the small family traditions that we've created.

Now to finish those decorations & order a costume for a special boy I know.

btw - I know the blog layout is wonky. Nothing I've tried so far has worked to fix it but to be honest I haven't used the hours it usually takes to make it look the way I want. Please bear with me for the next couple weeks.

In Quotes

2009-10-13T23:52:00.001-05:00

Reason #3479 I married this man.

"Our motto is not: Let's Be Perfect. It's: All Go, No Quit. We're doing the best we can with what be have. Chin up, now charge the mountain."

~in my moment of doubt & despair

Mother's Words

2009-10-07T11:21:00.003-05:00

Some words. phrases. are passed on from mother to daughter.
Small things I would not notice were it not for my clever ear

hearing my mother's voice as those (now dear) words
brush past my lips

you need to find something else todo
did you turn off the water
night. love you. seeyouinthemorning
where does it hurt

Words that connect me tightly to that wise (now old) woman when I miss her

across 2402.42 miles + 1.83 years away

Other words. phrases. should never be spoken by any mother
For I love All Mother(s) too much to wish on them these words. phrases.

we share a common bond(age) you know

you had better not be playing with the plunger again

the dear wise old woman says she kept hers hidden for years

a too heavy sigh. ok, show mommy where the poop is
wait! then where did you put your peas

for the boy has no loyal dog to conspire away his vegetables with

where does it hurt

Words that connect me tightly. so tightly to that young S(u)n

burning brightly in my heart

October-ing We Go

2009-10-06T07:07:00.004-05:00

Well hello there, I know it's been an atrociously long time since I've been here. I apologize. Between the computer thing (I have a shiny new laptop now), the school thing (just one more week of 3 classes) and just a plain lack of inspiration I haven't had much to write. September passed in a flash and believe me, you didn't miss much. I think there was a Zoo visit in there somewhere but other than that it was all a semi-panicked massively chaotic blur of a month where everyone in my little family held on tightly to each other while we tried to ride out the storm. The storm is of course the seemingly crushing workloads that Charlie and I are under while still trying to nurture Son and keep the household running. Not that October is looking any lighter but it feels different already.

So October-ing we will go. I love October. It's noticeably cooler (well, for the most part, the heat index is 110F today but supposed to be 75F by Saturday) there are so many cool things going on and best of all next week sometime I'm done with this darn English class and down to just ASL and A&P. Oh wait, you didn't think I forgot Zoo Boo did you? And this year I'm pressing to finally make it to the Texas Ren Festival. After fours years of talking about it Charlie and I finally made it to The Container Store just this past weekend and I have great hopes that the Ren Faire will be the next crossed off the list of things we've talked about for years but haven't actually done yet. I need to get busy and figure out a costume for Son. I know he would love to be a whale if I could figure out how to make one, I'm pretty sure he would also like to be a panda (ala Kung Fu Panda) or Buzz Lightyear. Buzz Lightyear is the easiest since I can buy those pre-made. All the Kung Fu Panda stuff looks really cheap or too warm so I'd rather make our own. And well you know whales are becoming more and more scarce these days and I haven't been able to find a good tutorial on the internet on how to make one into a costume. I'd like to do a little decorating this year and maybe just a touch of trick or treating. I think Son would love it once he caught on. Maybe a street fair like we did a couple years ago?? A trip or two to the pumpkin patch is definitely in order as well as some pumpkin pancakes. Pumpkin muffins from Target are already back on the menu and chai tea made with lots of milk and honey and freshly grated nutmeg is a must.

And so my friends, that's my October plans chock full of goodness. The change of seasons, the coming of winter, warm yummy bits of goodness baked or created or experienced and always shared with those I love. I hope that this October finds you well and peace-full.

True Colors

2009-09-08T10:30:00.002-05:00

Beautiful...

Read Me!!

What We've Been Up To

2009-09-02T16:01:00.004-05:00

I know it's been slow posting these last couple of weeks. It feels like so much has changed/is changing and yet remarkably much is the same.

Our New Art Display Wall

We're adjusting and readjusting to the new school schedules both mine and Son's. He was set to go to Pre-K in the morning but after the first day we (the teacher and Charlie and I) decided that the afternoon class was a better fit. It was smaller and if I'm completly honest ~~and selfish~~ that means I don't have to wake up early to get Son to school or give up 1 1/2 of my three hours while he's at school to go to the gym. Now we can both go to the gym in the morning (not that we have as of yet) and then go to school in the afternoon. Somewhere in there is time for cooking, cleaning, laundry and play. I have to fight the urge to do that while he's at school and use those three hours for study time. It's a work in progress. The evening schedule is just as messy: Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri & sometimes Sun I'm not home to do the night time ritual. Part of me loves that Charlie and Son now have some built in bonding time while they learn to take care of each other the other part of me is slightly jealous to give up that treasured time of feeding, bathing, and reading to Son. Since he eats lunch at school we now just have breakfast together and let's face it, that's usually super casual around here if we even eat at the same time. So in lieu of gym we've been doing art time & playing balloon volleyball (today with his foam swords!), blowing bubbles and some sporadic cleaning. It works for now but I think next week we'll be back at the gym and enjoying our 'time' together for the 1 1/2 hours I get him in the evening. It's a weird mix of loss/change and relief/feeling like I can breathe.

(L) Son's Fall Map (R) My Maple Leaf

Today is Wednesday and he's all mine. I'm thinking rice & beans for dinner (no joke, it's good!) and then a long bath complete with through teeth brushing and last but not least 2! whole chapters of Inkspell (Anyone else think it's much better than Inkheart the book? (I loved the movie!)) It makes me happy. The simple nothings and daily rhythms of my life. Shifting, changing and moving forward towards my dreams... the stars... and pure awesomeness...

(R) Son's Ash Leaf (L) My Fall Map

Oh, and before I get too mushy and drift away on a cloud of good intentions I should also tell you about our wish list for fall, complete with a stroke of brilliance on how to display it in my office. Son and I have been gearing up for fall in a hardcore fashion. It only got up to 90F today - not only does that rock but that tells me that we are almost ready to start taking on Fall-like adventures. Since I'm partly in charge of making the seasons feel like magic for a particular young man I know I've started early with what I want to accomplish and am happily plotting and planning how to make it happen. (With frequent consults with Charlie since he's also partly in charge and comes in handy when I need a tether to keep from flying away in my daydreams of the non-existent but still alluring perfect fall season) We started with making a map of the season with what we want to do, you can see that mine is a little more concrete and Son's is a little more abstract but you get the point. We've got a cruise and Zoo Boo and Turkey's and camping and the list goes on. We've also started coloring leaves for the season and talking about why leaves turn colors and trees go to sleep even though it may be a little premature. But where to hang all of our lovely creations? Being the good little consumer that I am I've been wanting a few of these to hang on the wall of my office for art, pictures and inspiration. However, we're in a no frivolous spending cycle (ala Dave Ramsey) so I came up with a couple tacks, some embroidery floss and some paper clips. I love it! Not only does it do exactly what I wanted while looking the was I wanted it to I came up with it! I solved the solution using only what I had on hand and it feels great!

What are you plans for fall? And creations going on at your house?

How to speak Norwegian like a Norwegian

2009-09-01T19:25:00.002-05:00

OMG I love YouTube!! (I have actually been doing school work too, lol) btw - Someone should point Cleo in the direction of Norway for her next holiday.

Summer Recap

2009-08-25T10:01:00.004-05:00

So the end of summer has officially landed at our home. It's been rainy and cloudy for at least part of the day most of this last week which means that it's been in the low to mid 90's instead of the 100's. It feels like fall is well and truly coming even though we still have another month or so before it really starts to get comfortable again. Yesterday I was able to sit out on the porch with Son and teach him how to blow is own bubbles and in the shade with the breeze (it was just about to rain) it actually felt good to be outside. A huge sigh of relief and contentment went through me and I felt this tension between my shoulders release. Ahhh... summer is over even if fall isn't quite here yet.

This summer turned out to be the usual mix of fun and cabin fever/depression. I have no intentions of spending another summer in the south but that aside I would like to review just a few of my intentions for this summer, set out back in May.

Over all most of these did not happen but the foundation that they were supposed to set did.

For example: Between moving and sending Son to a private school for the summer we didn't have much resources left over for things like golfing, knitting lessons or decorating our apartment. But on the same hand because of our tight budget we spent a great deal more time reading, playing in the pool and eating at home. All of which were super important to me to implement. Charlie and I did get a couple dates in there, most recently we went to a Momma Mia sing-a-long at the Miller Outdoor Theater (I forgot my camera) and had an awesome time. I'm still working on getting Son a keyboard to start music lessons and Charlie and I are plotting and planning a way to get a decent sound system for the house since we both feel that music is vitally important but strangely missing from our days. However, we have BBQ'd, had Charlie's family down more often, actually celebrated Son's birthday the way we had hoped and spent more time at the gym.

I would call it a successful work in progress. I'll be tweaking a few things here and there and setting my intentions for this fall very soon. Only this time I'll print up a nice copy and hang it on my cork board for changing habit and doing foundation work requires both intention and attention. There were no serious bouts of drama like in past years, just a quiet mom and Son counting down the days until we can emerge from our air conditioned cave and fill our days with busy adventures. On the calendar: beach trips, camping, more Miller Outdoor Theater, Zoo Boo (it's almost that time again), pumpkins and whatever tasty life affirming adventures that come our way.

How was your summer?

First Day

2009-08-24T09:51:00.003-05:00

Heading for the door.

One last hug.

Right where I left him.

He didn't cry. Neither did I. Charlie, well....

Come Together

2009-08-18T13:06:00.006-05:00

Just a little music to set the mood. No this post isn't about Aerosmith, but with a title like that how could I resist?

Sometimes we wish to see the big picture. I'm usually content with the small one but I've occasionally wondered into the forest of: what the hell is going on and why. I know that I'm just one thread in the Pattern and so are you. Luckily our threads are wound together, or next to each other or at least within email distance. When I can lift my head up just enough I can catch glimpses of what is going on around me and every now and then I get to say to myself "oooooooh, that's why. Very i n t e r e s t i n g." And just as quickly I'm sucked back under into my day to day life. I have a pretty good idea why I'm here, where I'm going and what my plans are to get there.

However, the Universe often has it's own ideas about the course of my life. And over the last few years it's been sending me secret messages (ok, not secret but wouldn't that be cool) about what I should be doing to best help me accomplish my mission. Now these messages are in Universe language, not mine so I don't always know what they mean exactly. It's like a giant puzzle. And awesomeness of awesomeness lately, in one aspect, it seems to be coming together. This aspect has to do with food, addiction and caring for this body.

Now if your thread has been next to mine for any amount of time you know that this is a big deal to me. This body of mine is (unfortunately) rapidly deteriorating. It is my biggest road block to my hearts desire and to seizing the life experiences that I want. I'm sure this isn't the first time I've told you about a new moment, or idea that will hopefully propel me to good health. It probably won't be the last given this is a huge challenge for me this life time but I think I'm starting to see a bit more of the bigger picture.

Universe Code:
1. A stray thought wondering how people can be so fat they become bedridden.
Answer: They are in pain. Real physical pain and it hurts to move in a debilitating way.

2. Vicious Fear Cycle. I am afraid I'll be bedridden -> I'll exercise -> I'm afraid I'll get hurt and become bedridden. -> Inactivity and thus more weight and pain-> I'm afraid I'll be bedridden.
And repeat ad nauseam.
Answer: Do not let fear dictate your life. It will immobilize you in more ways than one.

3. Addiction. A causal mention on The Biggest Loser to food addiction - 4 seconds that struck home like a gong. Several months later at a urgent care clinic (for something else completely) a gentle reminder that I need to do something about my food addiction or die from it, told to me as if it was common knowledge that I had a food addiction. (I guess I missed that memo.) Brosia telling me about a Deepak Chopra book on addictions. Mom telling me about a Deepak Chopra book on addictions.
Answer: I am addicted to food. Get the book. Read part of it and realized my addiction does not serve my mission. That may sound like a duh! statement but it was a huge realization. Pair that with what I learned about daily recapitulation (from the same book) and I've got a recipe for awareness. Awesome.

4. Whole Foods. Katie and Gillian McKeith. Tried this and failed, horribly. Son's weight & ASD, good food is imperative to helping him thrive. Blogs about other things that have inspiring women who eat naturally. Shitload of books and ideas about whole foods, bought the foods, don't know what to do with them. Food as medicine.
Answer: Raw Food Detox Diet by Natalia Rose. No, I'm not going raw foods but her insights brought it all together for me. The light came on and I get it now.

5. Saul died.
Answer: Life is short. Death is real. As Mr. Plum says: This is it!

6. 10 year high school reunion. A good healthy look at who I was, what I thought I wanted, what I accomplished in the last 10 years and what I want to accomplish in the next 10. Creating my Mission Statement.
Answer: Know what it is your after & why.

And I'm sure there many more little messages laying in the dark recesses of my mind that the Universe has sent along. Point being, that I get it! I get how my addiction doesn't serve my higher purpose. I get how to disconnect my emotions from food and how to use food to heal this body. I get how to use food to heal my family & serve our family mission statement. It sort of all came crashing and bumping together in the last week. All of these disconnects in my mind, body and soul have finally come together. And you know how I feel? Calm. Ready. Capable.

Things are changing. I'm preparing myself for my mission. I'm preparing my family for our mission. It's not a lightening bolt epiphany but the closing of a circuit. (Think the Chevy Chase on Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, finally getting the lights to come on. The trying and failing. The stumbling in the dark. A little help from my friends. The tantrum. The Universe's own perfect time. Hallelujah! Yes, it's a good example.) It feels good to step away from the fear and away from the addiction and towards my life. The way it is meant to be.

Other things that are coming together:
My understanding of money and how to make it work for my family.
My understanding of preparedness and Armageddon myths.
My understanding of how to help Son in concrete ways.

What's coming together where your at?

Learning to Share

2009-08-17T13:07:00.009-05:00

Coloring Whales, working hard.

Ok. I admit it. I'm terrible at sharing. What's mine is mine is mine. But unfortunately in the real world (as in not Emmy-Land) I have to share all the time. I have to share the road, share the bed, share my food and lately I've had to share my office.

One of the reasons that we got the three bedroom apartment instead of the two is so that I would finally have an office. (although I think Charlie secretly had hopes for a guest bedroom) After 5 years of using the kitchen table or an upside down laundry basket for a desk and even claiming a small closet once I finally have my very own office. No, it's not fancy. I've not had the resources to put into buying the furniture or decorating the room so it's still a mish mash of whatever was available to me but it's mine. I Feng Shui-ed it the other day and it now feels so good to be in here. Working on my blog, reading about ASD, organizing the books, papers and files and preparing for school to start soon, I love it all! Part of the idea of having my own office was to have a place where I could leave all the cords and electronics out without worrying about small little fingers messing with them.

So much for the best laid plans. For one, none of the outlets work in the office. I don't know why and have yet to have the office cleaned and the laundry room cleaned (where the breaker box is) at the same time so I can call maintenance to come and look at it. So my printer is on a chair next to the door and I'm very grateful that my laptop's new power cord is extra long since both are plugged in out in the hall. For two, as much as I would like to, I can't bring myself to shut the door when I'm in there and Son is not. Baby gates no longer work on him so we are stuck together. (Not exactly a newsflash but for some strange reason I thought my office would be different.) At first I felt intruded upon when he started bringing his toys in, then I got grouchy when I was constantly telling him to leave my printer alone. I did have a late night thought about maybe using the other half of the room to do Son's therapy stuff in but dismissed it almost immediately in lieu of MY space. Then... he dragged his table and chair from his room into my office. My inital thought was "Hell no! What's next the crib?" But then I suddenly saw it for what it really was. A need, a desire to just be with me. To have my attention, to mimic me, to learn from me. It finally clicked and my urge to kick him out of MY space was gone.

How could I resist?

We picked a perfect spot in the room for the table where he's close to me but can still see out the window and where I won't trip over him trying to move about the room. I told him the rules about playing with Mommy's cords & electronics (he's still learning) and then I printed him off some whale pictures and gave him some 'work' to do. This is now one of our favorite rooms in the house. Yes, it's an extra room to make the nightly pick-up-Son's-stuff rounds in. Yes, I still step on his small very painful toys. Yes, he brings his bike in and plays that infernal toy radio till I think I'll go mad. But... it's becoming such a special place for us both to learn and grow in. He pulls his chair up to my desk and we watch you tube videos about whales, or I give print out a new coloring sheet and let him go to town while I read to him fun whale facts.

I wanted to home school. I wanted to be like the women who are on my blog roll to the right. I wanted to bring arts and crafts and foster and environment of creativity into our home. So many things I wanted to do and teach that I can see now are possibilities, if only I open the door and share. Thanks Son for that lesson. I needed it.

School Plans

2009-08-13T10:01:00.003-05:00

I'm so excited for school.

We had such a great experience with Son attending a Montessori school 2 days a week that we didn't want it to end. Despite his numerous illnesses he seemed to make really great strides with his vocabulary and socialization. He quit having trouble separating from me the second week and this has even carried over into taking him to the gym. He would come home so happy and content that it made our time together more peaceful.

School starts the 24th for him and we are in the throes of getting ready. Adjusting our sleep/wake schedule to accommodate getting him to school at 8am (8:30 was tough for us @ the Montessori and there are still days that 9am for the gym seems unattainable). Son is like me in that he doesn't usually eat right when he wakes up and so we are slowly but urgently making that adjustment as well. I've been working on the night time routine too. Its really a routine overhaul going on at our house right now. I don't want to jinx it but Son gave up his bottle over the weekend with out a great deal of drama or trauma. WOOT! In my mind he seems to be sleeping better (at least I don't remember having to wake up as many times in the night to check on him) which is awesome. I'm working on a better bedtime routine that includes a bath every night which he will need after attending school. It's a big change for us since we've always limited his baths to help with his skin. A nice gentle bed time routine to ease him into sleep. Yep, that's what we need and it's in the works.

I registered him on Monday and was modesty impressed with the staff and building. It still amazes me that they build these schools (this one was built in 2003) to not have windows for the classrooms. It just seems wrong to me. The student body is about 600 pre-k through 5th graders which is a bit bigger than I had hoped but not too bad. The staff was in the expected beginning of school chaos and I'll need to call back next week to get any real information such as when we can meet his teacher and the therapists that will be working with him, in addition to the drop off pick up routine and potty training concerns. But I do know that he will be in the morning class five days a week, that's a good start.

There was a mother there who was signing up her son and became very obnoxious when she heard I was registering my son for preschool. "Why couldn't her daughter be registered? Oh, a disability? Well if I could get someone to say that my daughter couldn't speak GOOD, then could she be registered?" And she went on. One of the ladies handing the registration stepped in and guided her away from me. I was grateful for her consideration and tact. I was shaking with outrage. I bit my lips to keep from shouting all the things that were swirling through my mind. Mainly I was thinking: Are you fucking kidding me? I can feel my anger ball igniting just typing about it so we're moving on. But I still can't believe that people would want their child to have disabilities just so they could get free daycare. Ugh.

Next up is buying school supplies and clothes. I'm so excited for this. It's such a great ritual and a real sign to me that fall is on it's way. All I feel is relief and anticipation about us getting back into a nice orderly schedule. About time.

For me school starts the same week. My first class is Tuesday. I'm taking American Sign Language I (as an elective), Composition & Rhetoric II as an 8wk online course, and finally Anatomy & Physiology I. I'm shaking in my boots about A&P, to me it is a defining course. Will I like it? Do I have a knack for it? Will I hate it and never want to see the human body again? I don't know. Plus the fact that I've hear it's super hard with lots of memorization (which my memory sucks!) and I have to get and A in it in order to be considered for the nursing program has led to a great deal of pressure and dread and I haven't even started the course yet. *Deep Breath* It will be fine. I can excel at anything I set my mind to, this is no exception. After I finish this A&P course with an A I will have the option to apply for the 2 year (associates degree) nursing program. I need the 4 year (bachelors degree) in order to go on and become a midwife (masters degree). I can do it 2 years at a time or just throw myself into the deep end of the 4 year degree, which is what I'm inclined to do. We'll see.

I'm excited to be going back to school as well. Anxious, obviously, but I still can't believe that I'm actually doing it after all those years of wanting to. It's such a great feeling of accomplishment at the end of every semester and I can see the goal line glowing so many years before me.

So those are our school plans. I'm hoping that once I get into nursing school I can coax Charlie back to school as well. He wants to get his masters degree. He thinks business, I think marine engineering but we've got to get him there first. He may have to get another bachelors degree in order to raise his GPA enough to be accepted into a masters program. I think either mathematics or education since I know he would be a great math teacher and think he would like doing that as older gentleman going into retirement. (If he can teach me math, he can teach anyone.) That's a long ways off yet, I think, but it's also on the horizon.

I'm just relieved to have Son in school getting the therapy and socialization he needs. I'm glad I'm in school so that in time I can contribute to our families financial success while doing something that I feel called to do. I'm so happy that fall is coming and I can feel it. I'm excited about getting back into a routine and our days being filled with a happy order to them. Growing and learning and heading into the cool season. What could be better than that?

My Day Off

2009-08-12T10:58:00.004-05:00

Seat belt? Check. Apple juice? Check. Off to the races.

Last Thursday I took the day off. I had done all of my work the day before and was so happy to wake up to a clean house with a whole day to do nothing but what would please me. A peaceful luxurious day of me. Awesome.

I wanted to leave the house by 9:30am but didn't fret when it was closer to 10am. No set schedule, just a general outline and a determination to have fun. First stop: the CoinStar station at Kroger. Since Charlie and I are doing the Dave Ramsey thing (still working out the kinks) I had to have a way to fund this little pleasure cruise. I raided my Bailey's jar, yes I still have it, and took my precious coins to the money changer. It was a bit disappointing turnout as 800 pennies can be quite deceiving but it was still more than ample for our day. Son and I headed to McDonald's and bought some apple juice. (Part of the day off was not having to plan and pack several toddler survival packs of clean clothes, snacks, toys etc. I just took a diaper, some wipes and a hope and a prayer, it was very liberating.) We were on the road.

Next stop was a resale shop that had caught my eye some time back. As you know I love the idea of doing new things and going new places but sometimes my anxiety will get in the way. However, not this day, my day off from anxiety as well. We walked in the store, walked up and down the kitchen isles and had an almost instant find. An ice cream machine! Just the kind I wanted with the wooden bucket. You may recall from last summer that I desperately wanted an ice cream machine but couldn't justify a new one when there were used ones for less than half the price, I just had to find it. They wanted $14.99 for it and I scooped it up while stifling a small WHOOP of joy. Next I perused the linens while Son looked at the toys. I was dithering over a beautiful but over priced table cloth when Son brought to my attention a 'Honny Monny' (Handy Manny) tool set. Actually it was a wooden set several years old but never opened and I'm not sure which of us fell harder for it. A quick stop to pay at cash register and we were out the door. Flush the excitment of our new found treasures.

We were planing on stopping by a tapioca restaurant but they were still closed so we pressed on to Goodwill. I found a simple heavy white cotton t-shirt for son (for and upcoming project) and he found some new sunglasses. Then we were on our way to Target for some pre-budget-approved purchases of a pastry knife & tart pan. I was hoping to find them at one of the resale shops but wasn't going home without them. Next we stopped by and picked Charlie up for lunch. A chicken sandwich lunch on the road, dropped Charlie back at work and then home to regroup and see if we were up for more.

We were. After about an hour at home I decided that we would be especially brave and go to the library. I had books due and more ready to pick up, plus it was the end of summer celebration for the kiddos. I've had some bad experiences with Son at the library but today was my day off from bad experiences with Son so we pressed on. First stop, dropping and acquiring new books. Success. Then we joined the end of summer shindig just in time to watch some square dancing and get a balloon. I was disappointed and thought it was very lacking in both organization and fun but Son left with a helium balloon and couldn't have been more happy. Until he found the water fountain and wanted to go for a dip. Since it was out side and he refused to let me tie the balloon on his wrist or hold it for him I decided it was better to take him back to the car and save the balloon than let him play in the fountain and lose the balloon. Either way there would be tears, either way I didn't let it bother me. Ahem.

Cookie anyone?

We then stopped by the bakery which is one block over. We went inside and sampled some gelato. Oh I love gelato and find it to be a necessity for when your are giving yourself a rare treat. We got one scoop of watermelon, one scoop of caramel and a chocolate chip cookie. This was one scoop and 1/2 cookie too much. I also got Son a bottle of chocolate milk and myself a bottle of artesian root beer. We enjoyed our treats but after about 4 minutes it was clear it was time to leave. I chugged my root beer, which apparently I'm out of practice cause I don't remember chugging any kind of beer to be that difficult. Maybe it was because Son had found the honey bear on the coffee bar and was about to assault the floor with it? Either way we got out of there without any real trauma and headed home. Exhausted but full of happy memories of my day off.

(I didn't cook that night either. Charlie picked up some Chinese food. Divine.)

The ride home, balloon in hand, couldn't have been happier.

Xploration Station

2009-08-11T10:36:00.003-05:00

So what were we doing at the mall on a fine Saturday morning? (After a very late HP6 show on a rare Friday date night.) Son and I were at Xploration Station, a satellite for the Houston Museum of Natural Science, and we were exploring of course. There were dinos, florescent rocks, frogs, bugs, sharks & a lab where a paleontologist was uncovering real bones. Oh yeah, and a giant turtle. I know I've given Cleo shit about her giant turtle stories but this thing blew my mind away. I'm pretty sure it was about 12ft across. Unfortunately I couldn't get son to stand in front of it in the picture to give it a frame of reference but you'll have to trust me when I tell you that if you were on a sinking island this is the turtle you'd hope was swimming by. (I've also recently watched Knowing with Nicolas Cage & was reminded about a 'talk' Cleo and I had about spinning wheels in Book of Ezekiel. Hmm... maybe the old girl was onto something.) They also had a giant shell (4ft+) with a giant pearl as well as many other giant specimens and I'm pretty sure that's why I've been having dreams about giant creatures the last few days. Son loved the paleontology lab the best. It was quiet and he could climb up to watch the girl work or sit at the table to color pictures (or rather line up the crayons) and he got to pick his very own rock to keep. Over all we had a lot of fun & learned a lot. I can't wait to take Charlie and go back.

Without further ado I give you our morning at the museum:

From Outter Space

2009-08-10T08:18:00.004-05:00

The sweetest thing, that look of love.

Oh yeah I'm back. Thanks for sticking with me through my unplanned break from blogging. There were the cord issues and then there was just my issues. I'm pretty sure they've been resolved (the cord issues for sure) & I'm ready to blog again.

August is here. Just Friday I told Charlie that I think if we can make it through August then we will be just fine. The next day I was almost convinced as I half carried half dragged a screaming crying Son out of the Mall and through the 103F 93% humidity to our ~~7th-circle-of-hell-mobile~~ oven-like van that I was not going to make it. I strapped Son in and handed him an apple juice upon which he promptly stopped crying. I blasted the air conditioning, which never seems cool enough this time of year, and had a good cry myself. Even among his peers (we were attending an autism playgroup at the museum in the mall) Son stuck out, overstimulated in all his wall sniffing, toe walking, hand flapping meltdown-y glory. I collected myself, gave the back seat a weary smile and drove home. Wore out from the soul out and it was only the 8th of August. Surprisingly many of our days go this way, first he cries then I cry then we go home. Like I said, if we can make it through August... we can make it. Yeah, we can make it.

Tomorrow is Charlie's birthday. We don't have any special plans but I did get him a little something. We do small thoughtful things that let each other know how very happy we are that the other was born on this particular day and that our paths, unlikely as it was, crossed each other. I will sing him the happy birthday song, give him his gift and for a special treat I'll try not to set off the smoke alarm when I make him dinner. For some reason in this new place I do that a lot. For some reason it really bothers him. And for some reason that makes me laugh, ~~at him~~. I am truly grateful to have him as my life partner. He loves me. Isn't that wonderful? And I love him too. See? it just works. Thank you Universe for Charlie and all the light he has shown on the dark landscape of my heart. And for his strong arms that wrap around me when I need it the very very most.

I have much more to share with you from my blogging break, my day off, my school plans and of course the coming to the end of summer recap. See you again very soon!

We Will Go Home

2009-08-07T14:56:00.001-05:00

Warning: It may make you cry.

Computer Issues

2009-07-30T09:13:00.001-05:00

More specifically power cord issues. As of this moment it's popping & spitting sparks. Should be resolved this weekend & I will return. Sorry for the absence.

Sister Hear Me Calling

2009-07-23T11:26:00.010-05:00

Brosia

Cleo

Doll

Doll & me.

Cleo & me in mom's moo moos. Oh dear!

Brigid, Miss C & baby Son. Aww...

Brosia & Cleo

The Grand Canyon, moving me to Texas Jan/2005.

The four of us, in a rare moment all together.

Missing all my sisters today. Love ya!

1000 Words

2009-07-22T14:24:00.001-05:00

I’ve started and stopped this post many times. While I think it’s a great idea in theory I’m a little intimidated by it, to have a word quota to aim for. I started it last week when I had lots to say but unfortunately I was having an off week and it came out rather glum. Then I tried writing it again a few days later and what do you know my fingernails were too long. I can’t type with long fingernails and hate cutting them so a few more days of procrastinating led us to yesterday. I was happy-ish, complete with short fingernails and ready to set my thoughts down on virtual paper when I found Mama Mia on TV and even though I told myself that I would just listen to the music I got drawn in and spent a good portion of the afternoon singing and dancing with Son. Today the afternoon flick is Robots and I’ve spent the morning doing my ‘work’ so now I can play.

I looked through some of my notes from last year and found that we are fast approaching the time when Charlie and I were considering the big D. (and I don’t mean Dallas) I remember very well how unhappy and pissed off I was that Charlie had changed the plan. Now with some time and space and perspective I think I have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) but only in reverse of the usual. I get cabin fever, totally jealous of those able to enjoy the summer and ~~super bitchy~~ depressed. This year I am determined to enjoy every moment of fun and laughter that comes my way and FOCUS on that, not all the cool shit I’m missing out on. You know like camping and playing at the park and berry picking but I digress. This year I am happy to be in a place that the pool is actually open when they say it will be and that I don’t have to trudge up and down 2 sets of stairs to get there. This year I have a lawn that I can take Son out and run through the sprinklers in, it’s such an important part of being a kid in the summer I think. This year I have an awesome porch that I love to blow bubbles for Son to chase or grill fabulous dinners or just sit out on with a sweet salty margarita in hand and plot and plan and dream the time away with my husband. I still have dark days, and hard moments – thankfully it’s started raining here just in time to rescue me and my sanity from the doom of summer in the south. The other day I sat out on my porch as the wind howled, thunder crashed and rain blew in, it was so cleansing and refreshing and I think I’ll make it. Whew!

We finally have an explanation for Son’s reoccurring illness. As fate would have it when we took him to the doctor last week our doc was out of town and a new lady was filling in for him. Instead of giving my concerns the usual brush off we’ve been getting she said that it was probably a chronic sinus infection that takes 4 weeks of antibiotics to clear out for good. Three crying, screaming x-rays later we got confirmation and a prescription. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have a real reason and a way to treat it. He is loving school and I’m glad that he’s well enough to go back to his 2 days a week. He has been making such awesome strides. He has started using words to get what he needs. He can pick out his own shirt in the morning and tell me if he wants to watch Robots or Shrek. I’ve caught him singing the Nye Nye song not only using the right words but also the right melody. He can tell me which one is a circle and match 4 different shapes without help. He tries new words, quit turning over his spoon and even ate some celery yesterday despite the difficult crunchy texture. It’s amazing, like watching my little boy wake up. We still have a long road ahead of us but I feel like we’re addressing all the needs laid out before us with the exception of teaching him to use his imagination. I feel a bit lost with this one which is so frustrating because I had such an active imagination as a kid – just can’t seem to figure out how to transfer that to Son. Any thoughts are appreciated. I got some books coming from the library on reflexology, I’m hoping that will help with his sensory diet and maybe stimulate his immune system.

Speaking of the library I’ve been doing a bit more reading. I’ve been reading Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover and love it. It is such basic information but is broken down in such a way that I ‘get’ it and really think we can get a handle on our money. It’s led to some great discussions with Charlie and more of a partnership where our finances are concerned which is wonderful. I’ve also finished The Duchess but I will need to write a separate post on because it touched me in so many ways. Charlie and I have been listening to The Eye of the World on his ipod before we go to sleep (we share his ear buds, awww… so sweet) but after years of being read to sleep I usually last less than 10 minutes before I’m snoring away. Still, I love the dreams about Rand-Land that follow. Our library has The Monarch of the Glen series and since I’ve been craving the UK like crazy lately that is also on its way to our home. I can’t wait!

More or less this summer is passing quite nicely. Filled with love and determined fun.

xoxo
-E

A Picture

2009-07-20T11:49:00.002-05:00

or two or three...

Playing in the sprinklers by our porch.

Doing it Texas style out in the BIG sprinklers.

Seizing the sweetness this summer has to offer.

New From the Queue

2009-07-14T10:24:00.005-05:00

You may have noticed that I've added another list to the right hand side of this blog that shows my blockbuster movies. I love movies, I'm always interested in what other people are watching and think a peek into their queue would be very interesting. Nosy? maybe, but I am very curious.

Latest and greatest from my queue:

Mansfield Park
If you haven't figured it out by now I love love LOVE Jane Austen. That being said this isn't one of my favorites. Don't get me wrong I like it, I watch it every year but it's just not one of my favorites. The lighting is too dark, the acting seems forced and you don't fall in love with the characters. (It's so hard to not fall in love with her characters and yet some how they managed it in this film.) Plus, the best part is the very end where the director has everyone pause while a narrator speaks but that style doesn't match the rest of the film, if it had the film might have been awesome. Until it gets redone to my satisfaction (I know the film industry lives to serve my satisfaction) I'll keep watching it because I love Jane Austen and I love this story in book form even if it didn't translate to the screen.

Peter Jennings: Search for Jesus
Meh. Not really sure what I expected but I found it a bit boring. The most interesting thing was that they gave the historical context to the time that Jesus lived in. I had no idea that he was just one of several radical Jews that was preaching about the Kingdom of God or that so much of the history in the gospels regarding him was probably invented and correlates closely with the Pagan myths of that time. If Constantine had chose the old religions we would have a much different world. Hmm...

Garfield, The Movie
Boring.

Inkheart (blueray)
Still love it and in blueray it's even better than in the theater because you can make your own kettle corn (which I've made everyday for the last 3 days) and snuggle up with your favorite guys in your jammies.

Pink Panther 2
So funny. If you loved the first one (which I did) then this one will not disappoint you. We laughed out loud several times. Good stuff.

My Best Friends Girl
Vulgar. Story has been done several times. Could have still been funny without the vulgarity, I think. Kate Hudson & Dane Cook had awesome chemistry. Jason Biggs was a dull point through out the movie & Alec Baldwin typecast role was *yawn*

Coming up next:

Coupling Season 1 (such a guilty pleasure!)
Miss Potter
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee

I think. You never can tell with Blockbuster. I had Peter Jennings at the top of queue for over a year before he finally showed up in my mailbox and he was in good company with several others that have 'a very long wait'.

What are you watching these days??

Change

2009-07-10T12:15:00.002-05:00

I'm trying yet another blog layout on for size. I really loved the last one but it just felt too heavy for summer and all the beauty and joy and energy and movement that is going on around me. I'm still not sure if this new one is going to do to the trick. I'm drawn to the greens and charcoal grays but don't know if it's right to capture all the excitement and change that I feel is going on. Please bear with me as I continue my search for the layout of my dreams and feel free to let me know what you think or send some inspiring templates my way.

Thanks!

What's going on in your neck o the woods? I hope the energy and movement of summer has caught you up as well.

Independence Day

2009-07-09T09:37:00.004-05:00

From the Houston Chronicle 7.5.2009:

"Houstonians Braved 100-degree heat to celebrate Independence Day at parks, parties and other events across the region."

Oh yes we did!

I finally found my camera cord so lets get this show on the road shall we? We had an awesome 4th of July. It started on the night of the 3rd at the Cynthia Woodlands Mitchell Pavilion watching the Houston Symphony preform their "Star Spangled Tribute" with songs like Oh Susana, The Battle Hymn of the Republic with the Cactus Cuties and of course Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture complete with cannons roaring & fireworks. It was so late that on our way home Ellis fell asleep and Charlie and I were on autopilot, not even really talking. Next thing you know I see fm1960 (a road that is south of where we live) and something clicks in my half asleep brain. We had passed our exit and were well on our way to our old apartment. Too funny.

July 4th we were up and at 'em pretty darn early considering the late night before. Charlie and I had a 'discussion' about proper Saturday morning breakfast food a couple weeks ago that ended with a comment from me that went something like 'fine, you'll get eggs and bacon for breakfast every Saturday for the rest of your damn life!" Except for Saturday 7.4.2009 - he just got bacon because I ran out of time for eggs. Why? because we were on our way to the Woodlands Parade for the 3rd year in a row! It was hot and humid but we found a nice patch of shade and set up camp. For sure the best part of the parade is when all the police and firemen go by. After that we came home and made hot dogs for lunch while we watched the Coney Island's 2009 Hot Dog eating contest. We then hung out for a little while before heading over to the pool for some swimming. A couple hours in the pool and then back to the house for some rather disappointing BBQ. (my bbq skills are a bit rusty) We ate and watched A Capital Fourth on PBS before once again packing up into the van and heading down into Houston. We ended up over by the Miller Outdoor Theater, listening to NPR broadcast the from Miller live while we patiently waited for the the fireworks. Son fell asleep and missed the show but it was wonderful. Truly perfect end to a great Fourth of July.

How was your 4th??

A Glimpse

2009-07-08T09:15:00.002-05:00

Me: Pulls the laptop away from Charlie and plops down in front of him.

Charlie: "What are you doing?"

Me: Wrapping my arms around him. "Loving you."

Charlie: Pulls me in for a hug. "I'm loving you too. We're in love with each other, there is no doubt about it."

Me: "Awesome!"

Could be any time of day, any day of the week - we're in love. Our anniversary passed without much ado but that's ok because I am constantly reminded that we are filled with love everyday. Awesome indeed.

Mission Statement

2009-07-07T16:26:00.002-05:00

I've been in need of some direction. As it usually does, the Universe gave me a little boost by way of SimpleMom in the form of Mission Statements. It really got my juices flowing again and I actually am feeling the stirrings of excitment about my mission. So with out further ado and courtesy of the Mission Statement Builder, my (current) mission:

I am at my best when I've had good sleep, feel attractive, accomplish my tasks, do well in school.

I will try to prevent times when I feel tired, sick, overwhelmed, hungry, or have overeaten.

I will enjoy my work by finding employment where I can help others and organize.

I will find enjoyment in my personal life through reading, writing, dreaming big.

I will find opportunities to use my natural talents and gifts such as writing, photography, baking, researching/fact gathering.

I can do anything I set my mind to. I will travel, bear witness to the world's problems, photograph & document - write a book.

My life's journey is: A trial to live in the bad reality while creating a bubble of good reality/magick around me. It's for me, for this earth, for my family, my sisters and brothers, for the people who are still searching. I am doing it because there is a void in peoples hearts and souls where magick belongs and to foster care and love for the earth. The journey's results are after a bit of trouble, a place not of this world that exists right here in front of us. Growing into the person I was meant to become and helping others do the same. Peace, safe haven for my family.

I will be a person who was fallible but mostly accomplished. Who lived with passion, was unrelenting in my vision of a better world. Who inspired others to raise themselves up out of the mess of the mundane world and their own fallacies. That traveled the world and shared my stories and my life with many different people. Who was a the epitome of a well lived/loved life. Who wrung every possible moment of joy and laughter from it. Who explored the depth and breath of the human experience and came out on the other side a graceful, beautiful, wise old woman.

My most important future contribution to others will be helping them find peace.

I will stop procrastinating and start working on:

sewing/designing
writing a book
the way I eat/exercise/care for this body

I will strive to incorporate the following attributes into my life:

worldly because she did things instead of talking about them
willingness to live her true path
relentless assertion that anything is possible if you work for it

I will constantly renew myself by focusing on the four dimensions of my life:

Eat 4-6 small healthy meals a day. Exercise 5x week. Cut out fats and sweets. Sleep routine. Up early, To bed early.
Pray. Commune with nature. Make connections with like-minded people. Study. Buddhism.
Organize. Routine. Seek help. Live my truth. Get finances under control.
Get out of the house. Maintain contact with those who are already around me. Make new connections for Son and myself. Plan for next summer & make it happen.

(There was some slight editing for grammar etc.)

It's a pretty great mission statement if I do say so myself and I get to live it! Yippee!

What is your mission?

btw, Fourth of July recap is coming as soon as I can find my cord that allows me to download the pictures from el camera. It was awesome.

Birthday

2009-06-29T11:00:00.004-05:00

We celebrated Son's birthday yesterday. It was magical to see the excitement on his face when he first saw the decorations and when we lit the candles on his cake. He loved when we sang him happy birthday, was a bit confused what to do with the presents, and of course didn't want to leave the pool. Overall it was a wonderful day filled with smiles, bbq short ribs, sun block and his favorite part: cake!

I'm so excited to have a three year old and am looking forward to all the fun we're going to have this year. It's hard to believe that three years have already past since that early morning walk down the hospital hallway to bring this amazing little person into this world. We are blessed and incredibly honored to have him as our son. Happy Birthday Son!

Felicity

2009-06-24T15:57:00.004-05:00

Description of felicity - American Heritage® Dictionary

NOUN: 1a. Great happiness; bliss. b. An instance of great happiness.

Otherwise known as:

Homemade toast & jam for breakfast. Or -

even just dipping it in yogurt. It makes mom happy.

She could only be happier -

Spending the rest of the morning in the pool.

With the best little guy ever.

Has the world ever known such felicity?

That Time Again

2009-06-23T13:55:00.005-05:00

It's berry season! I wasn't initially planning any berry adventures this summer but then as I was doing my blog reading I came across this and this and the seed was planted. I was inspired to make a small batch of plain strawberry jam, that is until I was in the store the other day and found some dark red beautiful rhubarb. You know what's coming. It can't be helped. Yesterday I made some (if I dare say so myself) of the best strawberry rhubarb jam ever. I haven't had any since I was a kid and it is divine. Today the mission is homemade bread because after all homemade jam on store bought bread is forever just so so. I have some strawberries and rhubarb leftover so there is also strawberry rhubarb pie or tartlets in my near future. Ah... summer.

My hopes to bake at least one thing a week this summer are in full swing and I'm loving the process - the planing, the perusing recipes, the shopping for lovely fresh ingredients and the making, with intention and love. It just tastes better that way. The wine is optional.

And yes, my camera, humble as it may be, is back in working order. Yay!!

Longest Day

2009-06-22T10:29:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was the longest day of the year and was the perfect end to the most wonderful weekend. There is a calm sense of love and comfort going on in our home right now. I think that a good portion of this comes from the fact that Charlie and I are so stressed out in our daily work that when the weekend comes around we are on our best behavior and work extra hard to make it enjoyable. We relax and do very little and love every minute of it.

Friday
1. Son's scratch allergy test at Texas Childrens Hospital. Over all went well but basically a waste of time.
2. Watched lots of kids movies.
3. Ate Subway.
4. De-fragemented our minds.
5. Whale Wars.

Saturday
0. French toast for breakfast.
1. Son and I went grocery shopping/Charlie went to work.
2. Charlie missed us and came home.
3. Sandwiches & chips.
4. Short stint on the computer for mom (record keeping $)
5. Pool time!! All of us swim & played in the water. Son is getting so confidant. Several hours of fun & no sun burns!!
6. Steak, homemade mashed potatoes, perfect corn on the cob.
7. Son to bed. Out like a light.
8. Charlie & I out on the porch, wine in hand. Just talking.
9. Charlie stayed up and watched kung fu movies.
10. I read in bed - The Duchess.

Sunday
1. Bacon, eggs & toast.
2. Shopping @ Target for non- food items & birthday gifts.
3. Hot dogs for lunch.
4. Hanging out on the porch - at Charlie's request. Mid-day is not my favorite time to be outside but the ice cream treats made it better.
5. Robots - the movie
6. Go buy Charlie a new shirt for Fathers Day.
7. Talked to my dad. Happy Fathers Day Dad! Thanks for all you've done and sacrificed for me, it's not gone unnoticed and is appreciated. I love you.
8. Walmart for the few things Target didn't have.
9. McDonalds.
10. Bath & bed for Son.
11. It poured rain for the first time this June but the sun was still shining. Charlie loves sunny rain. A perfect rainbow was right out our window. Made me remember it was Solstice.
12. Homemade banana nut muffins prepared for the week.
13. Internet issues, resolved.
14. Who will be the next Food Network Star?
15. Ahh sleep.

It really was a divine weekend. I just couldn't stop smiling. So much love and peace and laughter filled our household. Summer is truly here in full force. I try to keep a check on my internal dialogue about the heat and my personal feelings on the subject. Instead I'm focused on things like this weekend. The swimming and fresh corn on the cob and spending time with my boys. Son is loving school. Charlie is busy at work. I am working on my household management skills. Life is good.

Happy Birthday to Me

2009-06-16T09:52:00.003-05:00

Son went to school this morning and gave me a little birthday gift in that he separated just fine without a fuss. Woot! Given that I was super sick yesterday and he didn't go to school all of the day to day stuff that was supposed to be done yesterday in my window of free time totally did not get done. But that's ok, it's not gonna get done today either cause it's my birthday!!

I usually do a bit of accounting on my birthday. I measure my last year against what I thought it should be. I plan my coming year, hopes, dreams, goals and work to be done. I went back and read last years post and all I can think is "whoa, I've come a long way since then!" I hope that next year I'll look back and think the same thing, after all that's the point isn't it? Progress. Yes, I've made progress. I feel more mature, more focused and more capable of handling life than ever before. Best of all I don't feel like I need that constant reminder to lighten up and just enjoy my life for what it is because I'm already doing it. That my friends is progress indeed. Plus I have a year of school under my belt and only five or so more to go, what a wonderful awesome feeling.

The bit of accounting that is different this year was brought on an email I received the other day. It's subject read: 10 Year Reunion. Holy shit!! I knew this was coming but somehow I had it in my mind that they do the reunions during the fair not during Prairie Days and so I had a couple more months before I had to 'deal' with this. I feel at peace with the whole reunion itself. I think I've forgiven everyone and myself for all the went wrong during my life in Nezperce and can just focus on the good and beautiful experiences that I had while living there. They far out weigh the bad ones anyways... but I'm still not attending. Maybe the 20th I'll make it back. The big shift for me has been from thinking about my progress from not only the last year but also the last decade. I remember the girl I was then, my hopes and dreams and plans. Some I've outgrown, some I've overcome, some I've let go and some I still have yet to do. Its such a great milestone for me, a clear marker of my passage of time on this earth and really all I can do is smile about it. I've had such success in this last ten years. Love, loss, growth, travel, so much has happened and it's such a wonderful feeling to be where I am today, to accept that I am still a process and to be proud of all I've accomplished so far but that's not even the best part.

The best part is that Charlie and I spent most of Saturday & Sunday morning sitting out on our beautiful new porch reminiscing about our past, who we were, what we thought we would do in the last ten years and what we want to happen in the next ten. We drank lots of soda, Son ran in and out of the house, there were banana nut muffins consumed but mainly we talked and talked. It is such a blessing to have this awesome guy to share my life with. Who may tease me about my one time fascination with baby doll dresses, long johns and combat boots but loves me still the same. Who accepts that I was the fat girl while he was the jock who probably wouldn't have given me the time of day. Who will hold my hand and dream big with me about our next ten years. I just have this great feeling about the next decade. Charlie will be 40, I'll be 38 and Son will be turning 13! It's gonna rock - I know it!

A few things on the roster for the next year and next decade.
1. Fitness - you know what I mean.

2. Travel - taste even more of the delightful experiences this world has to offer.

3. Omnipresent Supergalactic Oneness or maybe just a gradual increase of daily Zen.

4. More education - we want to each have our masters degree in the next 10 years.

5. Feathering the nest with things we love and that reflect our true nature.

So happy birthday to me! The outpouring of love and friendship from you dear readers is humbling as it is awesome. Thank you so much for being my friends and my family and for reading this blog as I stumble, tumble and search for my path.

Wouldn't You Know

2009-06-15T15:34:00.005-05:00

Last evening I started feeling a little crappy. Nothing too bad just lethargic and achy. Then came the night. Then came the chills and the shaking and the waking up Charlie with my tears because "i don't feel good." Good man got up and got me an extra blanket, some advil and then held me tight until my fever broke and I drifted back to my shark filled dreams. He didn't want to go to work but I insisted since he giving his first training seminar and I didn't think it was a good idea for him to not show up. He called his mom and she showed up (late) as I blazed off to the doctor early this morning. Can you believe that I now have an ear/throat infection? I know that I've had several in the last year or so but I really must protest that I'm too old for them. And getting sick a week after I just got well, right before my birthday... totally unacceptable.

The good news is that the advil seems to handle the pain quite nicely and my darling Charlie will be picking up my antibiotics from the pharmacy on the way home. I am mostly functional. Certainly well enough for my yearly birthday Jane Austen-a-thon, starting today with A&E's Pride & Prejudice. Just thinking about Elizabeth's Mr. Darcy and my very own Mr. Darcy makes me feel better. Oh yes, and I'm pretty sure there is ice cream involved. And corn dogs and tater tots and brownies. Hopefully sandwiched in between Emma, Sense & Sensibility, Mansfield Park and Becoming Jane . I know it's the same thing every year but it's one of the few things my Gemini nature lets be predictable and I love it so.

Son will return to school tomorrow and has his first playgroup on Thursday. Charlie is crazy busy at work and under a great deal of stress. Good stress as we like to say. I've still got part of my office and the master bathroom to unpack. And of course there is a birthday party in the works as well as some July 4th plans slowly coming together. My yearly accounting of my life and plans for the next year have taken some interesting turns and been given a new perspective. More to come so stop by tomorrow....

THE MEAD TREE

Breakfast

{This Moment}

{This Moment}

{This Moment}

Gah!

{This Moment}

Thankful Thursday

As I Was Saying

Tomorrow

Better Late Than Never

Rhythm, Routine and Ritual Part I

{This Moment}

As Previously Mentioned

Halloween Recap

Happy November

{This Moment}

{This Moment}

{This Moment}

{This Moment}

{This Moment}

{This Moment}

In the City

{This Moment}

{This Moment}

This Moment

We Like Pina Coladas

{This Moment}

Introducing

Work in Progress

Zoo Time

Food Resolution

{This Moment}

{This Moment}

The Value of $200

{This Moment}

New Years

{This Moment}

al fresco

Progress

A Quick Peek

One of Those Days

Just Peachy

*** Truthful Tuesday ***

Ready or Not Here School Comes

The Beach

Work In Progress

* Truthful Tuesday *

Get Together

Today Is The Day

Whew!

Vlogging Vlogging All the Day

The Emmy & Ellis Show

Just Hang In There

Ten Pictures

February Fail

Let's Never Do That Again

Turn & Turn About

Fabulous February

One Small Change Part Deux

Eating the Elephant

Listing

Puzzling

One Third

One Small Change

Upon Reflection

Reflection Questions for 2009

Purple Musings

Float On

Date Night

From Where I Sit

Midway Through

In Quotes

Mother's Words

October-ing We Go

True Colors

What We've Been Up To

How to speak Norwegian like a Norwegian

Summer Recap

First Day

* Truthful Tuesday *