The Mead Tree

Turkey Lurkey
We have been on a roll the last week or two. A big fat turkey roll. Our home and routine have gone turkey mad and guess what? It's working! I get the distinct impression that my dear Son is finally getting the concept of turkey. What does a turkey look like? What does it sound like? Why do we like turkeys? I've left the whole eating them bit out. I think it might be a bit premature for the whole circle of life talk, lol.



The Back Story
The speech therapist came just in time this week. The three days prior to her visit were filled with a building worry, sadness and general angsty mommy-ness. With the holiday's barreling down the final stretch of the year I find myself surrounded by mommies with 2 year olds both in real life and in blog life. I see/read how they interact together and its such a painful reminder of whats missing in our life. I talk and talk and talk. I force myself to talk, to my Son to surround him with words and... not the results I want. I get his rapid Son-speak that I don't understand in return. The root of my worry is cognition. Does he really get what I'm saying or is it just sound to him? I don't know because he doesn't speak back. The ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) specialist said that it's not uncommon for children who can't communicate to have lower cognition skills (like Son) mainly because how we understand how much they understand is by what they say. I want to believe that he understands me but fear creeps up along the edge of my consciousness and starts little flames licking at the back of my mind.



Victory Never Tasted So Sweet
I was in tears right up until the morning the speech therapist was coming. Son and I were sitting at the table watching this youtube video of turkey's and drawing. We've been doing something similar every couple of days for the last week or so. I was once again pointing out the beautiful tail feathers spread out in a fan and asked him to draw them for me. He looked intently at the video and then drew a very close resemblance to a feather. Then he glanced up again and drew another in a different color. When he said 'turkey' and then proceeded to gobble I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. When the speech therapist arrived he immediately wanted to play with her, no 15-40 minute warm up period needed. She must have seen the sad desperation in my eyes because even though we didn't talk directly about what had been worrying me she gently told me not to get anxious and change what I was doing. The theme's and routine words are working and he is beginning to talk. She again told me that I was doing a great job (which I needed to hear) and will be back to boost my moral in another couple of weeks.

Words I Needed To Hear
Despite my angsty anxiousness, his vocabulary does continue to grow. This week we've heard "doggy" "chugga chugga chugga chugga choo choo" "ready" "garbage" "turkey" and gobbling noises. In addition I think I heard him say "I love you" - it was after bath and he was warm and settled and content. He came over, wrapped his arms around me and I swear I heard him say it. We will be keeping with the themes. I'm almost happy for Thanksgiving to be over soon so that we can move on to all the wonderful exciting things that Christmas entails. I'm also working (in my mind) on a dinosaur theme to squeeze in between Christmas and springtime.




Fighting for Power and Balance
Son and I had one of our biggest fights ever last Friday. I was very busy all morning and was feeling particularly productive and happy. After my house work was done I showered and put on real clothes instead of my usual t-shirt and yoga pants. I was looking forward to getting some errands done before nap time since we had company coming over that evening. I brought out his clothes, fresh diaper and I should have brought out the boxing gloves because what followed was certainly a fight. He was almost undressed before he decided that he didn't want to change his clothes. It was too late for me and I wasn't about to let him wear his shark pajama's out in public even if we were just going to Target. It was too cold for one and for another I was actually dressed nicely. I wanted him to be as well so that we could be that 'sane well put together' mother and son pair that I always see out and about and secretly weigh myself against even though I know better. Ten minutes of bitter struggle and battle later and we are both crying. I'm angry and guilty of forcing my son into clothes that he didn't want to wear. I forgot the mother I want to be and became the one I hate. You know the one who dismisses their children's feelings and violates their personal space. The authoritarian who must be obeyed because they are bigger and stronger and always right. I leave him laying on the living room floor sobbing his heart out and retreat to my bedroom where my chest heaves with sobs as I ride waves of horrible mother guilt and frustration. I call Charlie and ask him to come home and take us to the store. I hang up still crying but semi-relieved that relief is on the way. Then I hear my Son hurdle his little body against the door and pound upon it to be heard over his sad crys. I open it up, step back and we just look at each other for a moment. Our eyes searching the others for love and forgiveness and acceptance. Then at once we fling ourselves into each others arms. My hot tears fall into his so soft hair and his breath catches between his sobs. I tell him I'm sorry and squeeze him so tight. He pats my back and snuggles closer. Ten more mins later and we're quietly looking at my collection of rocks and sea shells, talking and laughing and once again in love. Charlie arrives to chaperon us to the super market and but for our red rimmed eyes we looked damn good.


Lesson Learned
Upon further reflection I've come to the realization to pj's are not worth the drama. (Duh mom! Of course they are not worth the drama!) I realize that we are both stubborn and obstinate when pushed. And that we are all human. I will fail to live up to my ideal at one time or another but I must must must pick myself up, dust myself off and continue push on. I was thinking that becoming my ideal mommy was sort of a journey and destination type deal. The one where I start down the path to great parenting and each day choose to get up and get right back on it trying my hardest. Until one day I wake up and I've reached the pinnacle of my ideal mommy-hood. Instead I'm thinking that its more an eternal evolution. I either am or I'm not my ideal to varying shades of grey. I'm ok with that. I will apply my family's standard 80-20 rule and as long as I live up to my expectations of mommy-hood 80% of the time I'm doing a great job. The other 20% I need to cut myself a break and remember that I'm human after all and to error is superbly human. Another advantage of shifting my perception in this matter is that there is no more waiting for Son or me. I wake up and I'm already there at my destination, no more someday I'll get there. I already am the best mommy I can be! Yay me!!

and Now the Fun Stuff

I've been recording (I love my DVR) Little Einsteins for Son in the early morning (yes, 7am is early around here) so that I can pull it out when mommy needs 15 -20mins without his incessant badgering help. Not that I don't appreciate his excitement when it comes to loading the dish washer. We also watch it together on mornings where I need a little extra time waking up (i.e. sitting in the chair, diet coke w/ lime in hand staring at the ceiling until the blessed caffeine gets kicks the cobwebs out of my head). Or those days I am just in need of a warm cuddly toddler snuggled up against me and the peace that brings. He now sings the opening song, claps his hands to help Rocket take off, says 'uh oh' when Big Jet shows up and has started talking about peegeezz (pigs). I love it! When I'm in the other room and hear him singing along or clapping his hands I can't help but smile. Thanks your Little Einsteins for making my day.


We worked on our 'Scary House' whoooowhoooo... It was a lot of fun. It was a big reminder of what I novice I am when it comes to certain aspects of mommy-hood. If I was adept mommy or even had read the instructions all the way through before I called Son to the table to make our house I would have known that it actually would be late the next afternoon before it would be ready for his help. Apparently there is a whole bunch of prep work and drying and gluing with frosting that goes on before you decorate it! So he colored and I prepped and the next afternoon we both decorated. You could here us both saying "bump and stick" over and over as he would point where he wanted some frosting before sticking the candy on. Also not having much experience with candy he didn't know that's what it was. It's shocking to be reminded how much he is still learning. He was being mighty brave to taste just a little piece of gum drop when he thought I wasn't looking. The look of surprise and pleasure when he found out how yummy it was made me laugh out loud. Ahh... the simple wonderful joys of my day.




We also made turkeys. Another lesson for me in being prepared ahead of time. It took me three days (15-20mins a day) to get all the parts cut out and ready for assembly. Luckily Son happily obliged to color while I worked on the details. I think they are cute & they totally remind me of a project I did as a Kindergartner. Yes, I was just as curious what glue tasted like (remember paste? mmm...) as Son was when it came time to put our turkey's together. He also colored while I painstakingly cut our leaves for our Thanks and Giving trees for two days. I love learning and playing with him. Someday it may be seamless and we just sit down and create together. For now I'm content to just sit down and try, even if it takes days to finish. I think Son is too.



The other day we were in the car coming home from grocery shopping and Son was singing something. I recognized the tones (that is often how Son speaks by imitating the tones but not the actual words)but couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was. I asked Charlie what it was and sure enough if he didn't break out singing the Handy Manny song. "Hop up jump in. Come on let's go. Hop up jump in. Si vamanos. Ho! Ho!" My guys are adorable, especially when their voices are heard in the early Sunday morning air singing happily together.

Son got to spend all day Saturday with Nana. (Charlie's mom) We went on our Ikea date and then out to a movie and he stayed home and played they day away. I'm so glad that they get to spend time together. (still a bit nervous leaving him though) I want family to be a big part of our life but one of the reasons it's not is because I refuse to allow history to repeat itself in our family and demand that all family functions happen on my terms. Fair? Maybe not. But I don't care, this is my Son and my family and nothing is more precious to me. I am my Son's Guardian in every aspect of his life and I take that role very seriously. I'm happy that after four years certain parts of our mixed family's are coming around. Yay for family. Yay for Nana. Yay for Son. And Yay for an exhausted toddler who slipped blissfully to sleep for Mommy.

We also went to the gym a couple days this last week. The first day Son cried when it was time for him to leave. He was having so much fun and it makes me incredibly happy to see him playing with other kids. It also makes me happy that when I ask him if he wants to go to the gym with mommy he jumps up and runs to the door. I think we're on the right track for setting him up for a life time of healthy habits. WOOT! I read that he needs 20mins of moderate exercise everyday and 20mins of vigorous exercise 3-4x a week. We're still shy of that for my little tater tot but we're close and I have a new goal to aim for. I love a good challenge and being my kiddo I know he will too.

Curtain Call

That's the latest and greatest on Son. How are your kiddos fairing this week? Any new adventures? Goals? Setbacks?

MOMMY TIP
I've got a brand new Mommy tip from the trenches this week. I've found that Son is in a weird place when it comes to silverware. He is still too little for the metal stuff we have but all of the baby/toddler stuff I've tried are now too small. (And I've tried quite a few in recent weeks) My solution came from our favorite Chinese take out place, China Delight. They sent some plastic stuff home and it works like a charm. Not quiet the size of regular silverware but still much bigger than the usual kid stuff you find. They work just right. The spoons have just enough of a dip to get a good bite without over stuffing their mouths. The forks, likewise, are perfectly sized to fit in their mouth without skewering their throats. They are light, cheap and easy to keep on hand. What about the environmental impact of our throw-a-way Nation? Check out these Compostable Picnicware from Gaiam. Yes they are a bit more than $1.22 a for a box of 50 but they are made from starch and are completely biodegradable. Good Stuff!